Is This Real Life?
by Zarah McQuade
Summary: The boys find out their lives are a T.V show and escape to England. OC's in first few chapters but not the whole fic. Main pairing is Kenny x Butters, contains suggested Kenny x Kyle and Cartman x Kyle, and REAL Stan x Kyle,, please give it a try
1. Chapter 1

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**CHAPTER ONE**

"Oh my God!" Came a scream from behind them. "It's them! Guys, it's them!"

Several screams followed this one.

Kenny was the first to turn. Screaming girls was always something to appreciate. His three friends followed suit, turning to watch as five girls charged down the street towards them.

It wasn't until they were knocked off their feet by the girls that they realized they were the ones commanding their attention.

"What the fuck!" Cartman yelled indignantly, pulling his heavy form from under one of the girls.

"OHMIGAWDITSREALLYYOU!" The girls yelled as a group. They were clearly from out of town, their accents said it all.

Kenny rubbed his head and sat up. He was the one to notice the girls' attire.

"Hey, that's a sexy little number you got there!" He purred, eyeing a blonde girl in an orange parka, orange skinny jeans, brown fur boots and brown mittens...Exactly what he was wearing!

The girl giggled, beginning to gather herself up off Kenny. But Kenny liked the way her cheeks went pink at his comment and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down. "Not so fast!"

She giggled some more.

Kyle watched this little exchange with a bemused smile. Another of Kenny's adoring fans. But these girls were new...How did they even know who Kenny was? Did his reputation really travel so far?

Suddenly, a green-gloved hand was shoved in front of his eyes. He stared at it for a minute before allowing his eyes to travel up the orange sleeve leading from it, and up to the face of another blonde girl, wearing a green ushanka, identical to his.

"Can I help you up?" She giggled. Kyle took her hand and heard her small squeal of pleasure. He blushed, as did she.

Stan, meanwhile, was having an awkward conversation with his own female double, also blonde. In fact, all five girls were blonde. Stan was laughing at his double's poof ball hat. She laughed right back and commented "You're one to talk!"

"Who the fuck are you anyway?" Asked Cartman, watching his twin pick herself up and turn to help the fifth girl to her feet. He concentrated more on his doubles complete-opposite-of-fat-ass than who the fifth girl was impersonating.

Kenny and his double were the only ones left sitting. Or rather, she lay between his legs and beamed up at him, batting her eyelashes.

"I'm Sarah." Said the one in the red hoodie and blue hat.

"Kenni." Blushed the one between Kenny's legs.

"Lizzie." Pulling the flaps of her green hat.

"And I'm Nadine." Grinned Stan's double. "Oh, and this is Mary." She added, pointing to the smallest girl.

"H-Hi..." Stammered Mary in a small voice. She wore a baby blue jacket and turquoise jeans. There was no doubt in anyones mind that she was, in all senses of the word, the Butters of the group.

"Well, hey there." Kyle laughed nervously. Lizzie was bug-eyeing him, staring him up and down. "I'm-"

"Oh, silly, we know who you are!" Lizzie grinned wider. "Your Kyle, Kenny, Stan and Eric! You're the kings of South Park, and we fucking love you!"

The boys stared at the girls, who upon hearing this remark had begun to nod savagely. Only Kenni remained still, because Kenny had removed her hood and begun stroking her hair. Instead, she shivered.

"What do you mean, we're the kings of South Park?" Stan asked.

"Oh, yeah, they don't know!" Kenni broke from her trance long enough to laugh with the rest of the girls. Each one removed a DVD case from her pocket and dropped in into the snow. As the boys watched, the girls pulled more stuff from their persons: Keyrings, dolls, stuffed toys from backbacks.

"Is that me?" Kyle reached down and plucked a stuffed toy from the pile. It was short and had a goofy grin, but it was definately Kyle. "What the hell, man?"

"Okay guys, how about we go to one of your houses to talk?" Suggested Nadine, wiggling her eyebrows at the other girls.

"S-sure?" Kyle replied "My place is empty."

"Awesome!" Squealed Lizzie, and gathered the pile of stuff up before rushing down the street.

"Excuse her..." Nadine smiled. "She gets a little more excited than the rest of us."

"I can see that." Stan smiled back. Nadine blushed.

"So what the fuck is going on?" Cartman asked, beginning to walk down the street towards Kyle's.

"Ah, well, you see..." Sarah began, falling into step beside him.

"We broke in!" Nadine hissed, taking Stan's hand.

"To bust you guys out!" Came a gleeful voice from above them, and the others turned to find Kenny giving Kenni a piggyback.

"Dude!" Kyle hissed in Kenny's ear. "That chick is possibly as nuts as the rest of them! Put her the fuck down!"

"But...I like her. She might fuck me! No-one in this town will fuck me, Kyle, you know that!"

"No, Kenny, you won't let them fuck you!"

"Uhh...!" Kenny blushed and turned away.

Kyle sighed, but looked up to Kenni anyway. "Bust us out of where? And why?"

Before his questions could be answered, Kyle looked up at his house to see Lizzie already waiting on the doorstep.

"How did she...?"

"Look, just get inside and we'll explain, I swear!" Cried Nadine, releasing Stan in order to push Kyle up the driveway.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Okay, so!" Sarah dictated, slapping her hand down on the coffee table in Kyle's living room. Behind her, Lizzie was inserting one of the disks into the DVD player.

"You guys know nothing beyond the borders of this town...And Canada." Nadine grinned excitedly.

The boys felt like they were in class. They sat on the sofa as the girls talked, being taught that they didn't know anything.

"What you really should know is that...well...you're famous." Lizzie said, standing up awkwardly beside the other two girls. On Kenny's lap, Kenni squirmed with anticipation.

"Oh, okay, yeah..." Kyle rolled his eyes. "Alright, who put you up to this. Was it Craig?"

"No guys, seriously!" Sarah raised her hands up, yellow-clad fingers spread to display honesty.

"You and all your antics have been being secretly filmed for years. But see, the world has been told that you know, that you're acting." Lizzie explained.

"This sounds like something from when we were kids." Stan whispered to Kyle, and he guffawed in agreement.

"My daddy has a government job though!" Kenni piped up. "And I heard him talking about how popular the show was, and how the boys should be getting credit. When I kept listening I found out your parents agreed to have you secretly filmed, but they're taking all the money you're making and spending it on themselves!"

"What the fuck?" Kenny grunted, turning Kenni's face towards him.

"It's true, Kenny!" Kenni beseeched him. "Really it is. When I found out your mom was spending all your money on weed, I knew I had to come and save you. Luckily my friends here have an obsession with your friends and they said they'd help."

Each girl nodded resolutely. Even Mary, who had been sitting silently beside the couch.

"So we each dressed up as one of you, and snuck in pretending to be you guys!" Nadine drew herself up proudly, winking at Stan as she did so.

The boys sat in stunned silence for a moment before beginning to laugh uproarously.

Each girl's scowl was more frightening than the next. Kenni even slid off Kenny's lap to stand beside her friends, pulling Mary up with her.

"You want proof?" Kenni asked defiantly. "Here's your fucking proof."

And she hit play.

An offbeat tune began to play, along with screenshots of South Park itself, and the boys.

Both boys and girls sat in silence as they watched the episode. It was unreal, but the boys could remember everything that happened onscreen. It was true. Eveything the girls had said was true.

When the episode had finished and the multi-coloured credits had begun flashing up, Kenni stabbed the stop button and stood up again, putting her hands on her hips.

"Believe us now?"

Each boy nodded dumbly, too shocked to say anything.

"Good. Now pack your shit. We're getting out of here."

"Wait. Wait, wait!" Stan held up his hands as if he could physically stop what was occuring. "Just hold up. Dudes," He cried, turning to his friends. "I don't know about you, but I'm pissed!"

"About what, dude?" Cartman asked, wrapping an arm around Sarah's waist. Hell, he was famous, he could try his luck with this chick!

"Um, maybe our parents?" Stan reminded them. "They've been exploiting us for money. Without our permission! Sure, I'll leave," He added, flicking a smile Nadine's way. "But I'm sure as hell confronting them first!"

"Yeah!" Kyle added for good measure.

"Well, you guys do what you want. I'm content just leaving." Kenny stretched, crossing his arms behind his head.

"Go fuck yourself." Cartman advised him, heading for the door.

"Oh! Okay!" Kenny shot up and snatched Kenni's wrist, dragging her up the stairs. "Call me when you're leaving!" He yelled, a huge shit-eating grin spreading over his face.

"Gross. That'll be my bed he's fucking on." Kyle stated. But he didn't sound as if he minded too much.

"Okay ladies!" Sarah commanded from Cartmans embrace on the doorstep. "Eric and I will head over to yell at his mom and get his stuff. Nadine, you take Stan. Lizzie, you wait with Kyle until his parents get home. Kenni's...well,Kenni's taking care of Kenny." Sarah grinned and the girls laughed. "Mary? Go get Butters, babe."

Mary nodded and headed out into the cold.

Butterflies erupted in Stan's stomach as Nadine led him out of the door. It was weird enough knowing that millions had people had probably seen all his most private moments. Let alone the fact he was now leaving his parents, and his home town, behind.

But right now, Stan had only one thing on his mind.

"You know...Nadine...You look really hot in that poof ball..."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Yeah, totally awkward first chapter. But I wanted the opening stuff to be as quick as possible. By the time they get out of town, I swear this will be a lot lot lot better. Hang in there, for me? Please? Thanks. This will be a BUNNY story, not a Kenny x Kenni story. They're not having sex up there, they're planning world domination!


	2. Chapter 2

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Two**

"So then, he started freaking out!" Exclaimed an already giggling Lizzie. "And he was all 'I can't do this, I can't do this. That's my mommy!'". And the girls, who were already to the point of clutching their sides, began to roll around on the floor, laughing at Kyle's expense.

Stan coughed, disguising his own laughter. This, unfortunatly, set Kenny off, which in turn made Cartman drop his calm act and roll around a little himself.

Kyle simply sat, and scowled deeply.

The girls composed themselves and Lizzie continued. "So, being the amazing girlfriend that I am, I had to do it for him..."

"Did you say girlfriend?" Nadine interjected, eyebrows raised.

"I'm getting to that part! God!" Lizzie cried.

"No, now!" Sarah demanded.

Lizzie sighed. "Fine. We made out. I just assumed-"

"You made out!" Squealed Mary. She had come into her own ever since entering the house with Butters. Butters, being entirely gullible anyway, hadn't needed any convincing upon hearing the story of his secondary fame. He, however, wasn't geting paid.

"Hey!" Cartman had hissed to Sarah. "If he isn't getting paid, why do you gotta bust him out with us?"

"Because duh! He's adorable!" Sarah had snorted back at him, and then ruffled Butters' hair, to which Butters blushed.

"Yes, Mary, we made out." Lizzie rolled her eyes. "It's what people do when they like eachother."

"Well, that's hardly fair." Kenni smirked, turning to eye up Kenny. The other girls murmured their agreements, also turning to glare first at Kyle, and then at their male doubles.

The boys turned to Kyle too. "You kissed her?" Kenny grinned.

"Well...Yeah, I mean, we were waiting for my parents and we were talking, and once she stops screaming all the time she's actually really funny and stuff and..."

Lizzie nodded approvingly to the other girls.

"Anyway, you fucked yours!" Kyle pointed an accusing finger at Kenny.

"Oh, yeah, sure." Kenni giggled sarcastically, making her way over and plopping onto Kenny's lap. "He lay next to me in bed and we talked about what we'd do if we ruled the world."

Kenny blushed a deep shade of red. He roughly grabbed the back of Kenni's head and pushed their lips together. Everyone politely turned away as the couple got acquainted.

Nadine and Sarah tilted their heads expectantly at Stan and Eric. The boys glanced at eachother before getting up and heading over to the girls. Kyle and Lizzie met halfway and picked up where they left off earlier.

Mary and Butters sat awkwardly, Mary hugging Butters' waist but nothing more. Hers was a motherly affection as opposed to her friends' infatuation.

It was Sarah who broke away first.

"Um, guys? Shouldn't we be showing them what they're doing."

Each blonde broke away from their own embrace blushing red and nodding, eyes on the floor.

"Let's go boys!" Sarah laughed, pulling some thick paper from her pocket and spreading it on the table. Turned out to be a map, covered almost completly with little red dots.

"Everywhere there is a red dot, there is a camera, recording twenty four hours a day." Nadine explained, wiping her mouth.

"Fuck! We'll never get out!" Stan groaned.

"Oh contraire! The guards are stupid. They'll think a camera is on the fritz if they see two of each of you." Kenni rattled off like a rehersed line.

"So you guys are going to go way over this way..." Lizzie motioned to the far East of the map, where the only cameras were stationed outside Kenny's house. "And run!"

"Awh! Running! No-one said anything about running!" Eric complained.

"Hush, baby, you only have to run so far. Then you'll arrive on the outskirts of the next town over-"

"But only..." Interrupted Mary. "If you stick to the East Road. The East Road, Butters, you remember!"

"Now, hon, this is a city, not really a town." Nadine explained slowly, taking Stan's face in her hands and looking into his eyes to make sure he was concentrating. "It's much bigger than here or anywhere else you've really been."

"So..." Lizzie wagged a finger at Kyle "Be careful! A few people might recognise you, but not many, cause Americans aren't big on American comedy..."

"And you!" Kenni concluded, pointing her finger in Kenny's face. "You take these." She reached into her orange backpack and pulled out five plane tickets. "Keep them safe. Lose them, you lose your chance at freedom. Get to that freaking airport and get your cute little butt-cute little butts!-out of here!"

Kenny took the tickets and squinted at the small text printed on them.

"The fuck is Liverpool?" He asked.

The girls looked at eachother excitedly.

"England!" They squealed together.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ahhh, so they're finally headed out...wonder if they'll meet any obstacles? I'm going to do the next couple of chapters from some other people's points of view just to explore. Hope you enjoyed the girls, because they'll be leaving the story soon. All the girls are actually based on my friend Sarah, who said please please pretty please could she be in my fanfic? She wanted to shout something random in a crowd scene or whatever, but I split her up and gave her the part of five South Park obsessed girls, who each have one of her middle names (Long name, right?) apart from Kenni (He last name is Kenny. She signs her name 'Sarah Kenny-McCormick', it's adorable). Tell me what you thought of them would you?


	3. Chapter 3

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Three**

"England? You want me to go to England?" Cartman questioned, deadpan.

"Well...yeah. It's the safest place for you." Sarah replied, equally as bland.

"Plus I have some friends over there who can help you out, so you'll know how to act in the real world." Kenni assured him.

"Awh man!" Kyle began to bounce in his seat. "We're going to England!"

Nervous smiles were creeping over the boys' faces.

"Right girls!" Nadine quickly took charge again, rolling up the map and stuffing it away. She stood, hands on hips, and the others obediently lined up before her.

"Mary!" She barked. "Butters has packed?"

"All his clothes, his toothbrush, his savings and..." Mary darted a quick glance Butters' way before mouthing the words 'teddy bear' in Nadine's direction. Nadine nodded and moved along the line. "Lizzie?"

"Kyle has..." Lizzie began, taking a deep breath. "His clothes, some shoes, underwear, socks, diary, pens, pencils, scetchbooks, one photo album and his trusty toothbrush. Oh, and some product he uses to tame his hair."

Kyle blushed. Cartman snickered.

"Good." Nadine nodded. "Kenni? Anything Kenny wanted to bring?"

"Kenny's got his...um...his..." Kenni looked uncomfortable, and leaned foreward to whisper 'Mysterion costume' in Nadine's ear. "And that's all." She said out loud. Kenny nodded at her approvingly.

Sarah began her speech before Nadine could say her name, reeling off the items in a bored voice that was a perfect imitation of Eric's. "P.J's, clothes, toothbrush, money, and Clyde Frog. Never forget Clyde Frog!"

"Killer." Nadine mimicked Cartman also. Then, dropping the accent, she listed: "I got money, toothbrush, clothes, diary, photo album, and a _confiscated _mobile phone." The girls nodded knowingly and then shook their heads at Stan.

"What?" Stan asked exasperated.

"They'll track you dumbass."

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KYLE'S P.O.V

My lungs were about to give out from all the running but I managed to hold out. Rather than concentrate on the burning in my legs, I recalled the closing notes on the plan.

"We'll be pretending to be you for the next two weeks. The confrontation with your parents has already been wiped off the tapes, thanks to a Craig wannabe we have stationed in the offices." Kenni winked at the others. "In the meantime, you wil be getting the fuck out."

We had all memorized the stations of the cameras, and the route we were to take. Everything was going to plan and we were already sprinting down the East Road out of town.

Now, I run track, but running down that road? That was torture. Our varying degrees of fitness were shown in their true light that day.

Kenny was way, way in front, Butters just managing to remain his shadow. I had seen Kenni take Butters aside and point to Kenny before we departed, and ever since Butters had been following him around like a bodyguard. Which was ridiculous because Butters is way small and Kenny is enormous for his age, a fact his is quite proud of.

Next up is me, about five meters or so behind, which I find very dissapointing. How could someone like Kenny be faster than a track runner, nevermind a shrimp like Butters? Admittedly I wasn't much taller than Butters myself, but come on! Track!

Looking behind me, I could see Stan. We were almost neck and neck. That wasn't so bad. Stan was involved in many sports, including soccer and baseball, both of which involved having to run, and be fit. Way, way, way in the distance could be seen...a blob. A blob that was shouting profanities our way between heaving breaths.

"Dude, maybe we should slow down. For Cartman." I said. This was extremly thoughtful of me considering the fact I was supposed to despise Cartman with every fibre of my being. But I guess something in me (The Goth in me, you might say) didn't want to conform to the stereotype I had given myself being on T.V for God knows how long.

"Maybe you're right..." Stan agreed, slowing down a little. I think his agreement had more to do with how exhausted he was, rather than kindness towards our big friend, because when he eventually came to a stop, he keeled over, right there in the middle of the East Road.

Cartman eventually caught up to us. What we forgot about, however, was the fact that Kenny and Butters were still running.

"Keeeeeeeeeeeeennyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Stan yelled from the floor, realizing at the same time that I did that we shouldn't be separated. Then he coughed and wheezed a little and buried his face in the dust.

Cartman sat next to him. He reached into the red duffel he was carrying and gulped water from the red flask.

"You know, we really should have thanked the girls for being more organised." I reminded them breathlessly, sitting on Stan's other side. The figures of Kenny and Butters appeared over a dip in the road, walking back to us.

I myself pulled my green flask out of my green bag. Not that it was hard to guess, but I smiled at the fact that Lizzie knew my favourite colour.

"Do you think..." I asked, as Kenny and Butters passed out at our sides. "That me and Lizzie will get together?"

"Dude, the girl wants you and she wants you bad." Cartman stated. And he wasn't wrong. I expected that at that very minute Lizzie was zipping around my room and touching all the things I had left behind. I was so glad I'd shoved my diary into my duffel.

I blushed, remembering how callously Lizzie had announced I had a diary. But then Nadine had gone on to say the same about Stan. So maybe it wasn't so embarrassing in front of my super-best-friend, who must have been keeping secrets of his own.

"You could have her if you wanted to, man." Stan told me. I nodded in agreement and lay down. We were in an odd circle, lying there looking up at the pulsing sun. It bore down on us intensely, and sitting there wasn't going to do us much good.

Kenny seemed to be thinking the same thing. "We should get going again."

"Y-Yeah, fellers." Butters was quick to agree. "Mary s-said we shouldn't stop at all."

"Yeah, yeah." Cartman said condescendingly, but he pulled himself up all the same. Probably because Sarah had said something along the same lines to him.

We all pulled ourselves up, groaning as we did so, and continued.

I thought the city was a mirage when I eventually saw it.

"It's huge..." I breathed, taking it all in. But we didn't have time to explore. Our plane left in two hours, and we still had to get through security...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

KENNY'S P.O.V

I stared out of the window at the black clouds below me and thought about nothing. The lights were off, but it wasn't like I could sleep. I was terrified of flying.

Of course, now I was in the air, I was okay. But occassionally, the thought of a crash would overwhelm me and I'd have to cling to something. The last few times, this something had been Butters, asleep beside me.

Butters looked so cute when he was sleeping. His little mouth was hanging open a little and on occasion he would murmur something random and writhe a little. Beside him, Eric was sleeping not-so-adorably. He snored like a pig, but like I said, the rest of the passengers were sleeping.

Stan and Kyle were in front of us. Stan was in the window seat, directly in front of me. I could see his reflection. His forehead was pressed against the window,his chin resting in his hand. Between the seats, Kyle's fluffy ginger hair was exposed, and you could tell his head was resting on Stan's shoulder.

I sighed, huffing a little. Turning, I rested my chin on Butters' head and closed my eyes. It was going to be a long night if I didn't at leased try to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

IS THIS REAL LIFE?

Chapter Four

**Kenny's P.O.V**

It was huge. There were people everywhere. I was dizzy, I was tired, and I was sick.

My parka, which I usually kept unzipped now, even if I did keep the hood up, suddenly seemed like the best idea in the world. The thing was an old friend to me. Sure, it barely fitted anymore, but though I was lanky I was skinny and managed it without too much hassle.

People were staring. I zipped all the way up, further than I ever had before. I could barely see. I relied on Butters, holding my arm with fear or anxiety, to guide me through the people hoarding around outside the airport.

"Hey! Hey!" Came a yell from the side. I turned, shaking my head a little to get my hood to co-operate. There were, again, five girls waving at us from across the street. But these were not our female doubles.

The girl who had shouted was supposedly Tweek. She was lanky too, probably only a little shorter than me. She wore her shirt half tucked-in, and her hair looked styled, nowhere near as messy as Tweek's. But she did a good job.

Her friends were Craig, Wendy, Clyde and Bebe.

We crossed the street to them. 'Tweek' stood with her hands on her hips. She was obviously the leader of the group, the others looking to her to tell us what to do. I wanted to be the leader of our group, so I stepped foreward, Butters on my arm.

"Hey." 'Tweek' nodded to me approvingly.

"Hey." I said. 'Craig' giggled.

"Well, I'll start with introductions, shall I? Megan." She said, pointing to herself. "Olivia, Abbie, Rachel, Lucy." Pointing to Craig, Wendy, Clyde, Bebe.

"You probably know us." I replied. I earned a titter from Olivia again. Megan raised a brow and smirked.

"We're supposed to take you to your new home. If we're obviously girls, people will think you're cos-playing with us, so no bother. After that, you're going to have to make an effort not to look so..." She eyed my parka, Kyle's hat. "You."

"Got it." I answered for the group as a whole.

Without another word, Megan and the others began to lead us away. Olivia fell back, tugging the strings of her Craig hat.

"Hey..." She whispered to Kyle. "Big fan...You're fit."

"Well, I do track..." Kyle answered, blushing.

Olivia blushed. Megan guffawed and turned to Kyle. "She means you're hot." She explained. Olivia's blush deepened.

"Oh...Thanks. But, uh, me and your pal Lizzie already have a thing..."

"Lizzie isn't here, is she?" Olivia said, winking. It was Kyle's turn to blush.

"I...I guess not."

I rolled my eyes. We had a lot to learn about these girls. They were different. Even the fake Wendy...Abbie?...Was eyeing up Stan, and she had to know the very foreward Nadine had already staked her claim.

We didn't have to walk far. It was an apartment over some shitty little store, but I didn't mind. It was nice. Megan dangled the key in front of my face before dropping it into my hands.

"I trust you to control these guys. Don't let them get run over or injured 'cause Kenni will kick my arse." She winked. "I'll come back and give you a tour of where to find stuff tomorrow, but I'm due home."

I nodded. The way she talked was cute. The way they all talked was cute.

"Sooo..." She turned to Kyle, took his face in her hands and kissed him roughly. Them she smacked her lips sarcasticly. "I needed to do that. Stan, my boy, you are missing out."

The girls giggled and walked down the narrow staircase.

**Stan's P.O.V**

The apartment was big enough to fit us all. There was a living room, tiny kitchen, bathroom and three more rooms. Two of them had double beds, and the last a single. It was obvious who the girs wanted to share rooms.

"Kenny, Butters!" I called from the orange and blue room. The colours clashed, but they were also kinda complimentary. The sheets were baby blue with orange blobs, which on closer inspection were butterflies. I doubted Kenny would mind.

The next room was blue and green. Very pretty. The other room had been quite uneven, a bookcase on one side, a TV on the other. This room was perfectly symetrical, with a bookcase either side, two desks side by side opposite the bed. I laughed on closer inspection of the desk. There were only green gel pens in Kyle's pen holder, only blue in mine.

It was obvious Cartman would be sleeping alone. Too bad. I opened his room door. Blue walls, yellow carpet, red bed. Primary colours everywhere. Someone had lovingly stuffed his bed full of teddybears, and filled a little basket, sitting on his pillow, with chocolate. I moved over to read the little label: 'Love Sarah xxx'

I wanted one!

When I got back to my room, Kyle was in there too. I blushed a little, remembering Megan's earlier comment, but pushed it away quickly.

"Hey, Kyle, you found your present yet?" I asked him.

"Present?"

"Cartman got chocolates from Sarah. I'll bet Lizzie and Nadine got us a lil' something!"

Kyle got up to help me search. In one of my desk drawers was a little Kyle doll. In Kyle's dresser was a little me.

"They're cute." Kyle commented, ripping off the label.

I nodded and threw Little Kyle on the bed. Little Stan followed him.

"Let's go see what Kenny got." Kyle suggested.

"Probably a naked photo."

"Stealing it."

Butters was sitting at his own little desk, which I hadn't noticed behind the door. He was playing with a big box of lego.

"I-I found it under the bed." Butters explained when I asked. "It's from K-Kenni. She left her number and said I should call her i-if there's any trouble. Or if I just wana talk..." Butters trailed off.

Kenny was sitting on the bed, holding-what a guess-a little photo allbum and looking angry.

"Who's yours from? Mary?" Kyle asked him, confused.

"Nah, mine's from Kenni too." He said, flapping the album. "Some good stuff. I don't know why she didn't give me her number though."

"W-Well, Kenny, I-I'm sure she meant you too!" Butters said defensively.

Kenny stretched and walked over, putting a comforting arm around Butters.

"I don't blame you for this, hon." He laughed.

"I-I don't think you should blame Kenni ei-either..." Butters expressed uncertainly.

Kenny walked out.

"AWESOME! CANDY!" Came Cartman's voice from down the hall.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Another four friends of mine, there. I think I may have caused a fight having Megan kiss Kyle, but Olivia didn't seem the type. Anyways, are you excited? Stan and Kyle, Butters and Kenny, sharing rooms! Sharing beds, even? Be excited! I'm excited!


	5. Chapter 5

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Five**

**Erics P.O.V**

I'd been lying on my bed, covered in the tin foil off my chocolate, when it came to me that I hadn't had a drink in about...twelve hours?

Anyway, when it hit me, I was thirsty. Reaaaal thirsty.

My bedroom was nearest the living room. Across the living room was the little kitchen. I didn't have to worry about waking anyone up (Not that I cared anyway...Which was probably why the girls had put me there...), so there was no reason for what I did next.

I grabbed my camera first. Who wouldn't?

I turned it on when I was in the hallway. A night time tour of our new home would make a great video.

The hallway was only small. One door on one side led into the living room. The other three doors were the bedrooms, on the other side. The far door was the bathroom.

I opened the door to Kyle and Stan's room. My camera was on night-vision, so everything on screen was tinted green.

I didn't need to go any further into the room than I already was. Instead, I just zoomed in on Kyle's sleeping face. His mouth hung open. I think he was drooling. It glistened in the green tinted moonlight.

I held back a giggle when I realized that he and Stan were spooning. Kyle (Who was always kind of girly) was in the front, with Stan's arms wrapped around him protectively. I wondered if they had fallen asleep like that, or if it just happened. I filmed it anyway, knowing how people back home would see it.

I closed the door again quietly.

Next, Butters and Kenny's room. I shuffled around the door to get a shot of Butters' lego model. He was in the process of making a house. I didn't do anything to it. Not in the mood.

Both of them were under the blankets. I would have moved them to see what they were up to, but I wasn't up to bothering them and having shit tomorrow. So I backed out.

I got a quick sweep of the living room. Three little sofas gathered around a small TV. Then I was in the kitchen.

I raided the fridge. There was so much soda in there! I drank a can at the little round table. I was dissapointed. Not really good footage. Of course, I did have Stan and Kyle spooning, but that wasn't much. Kenny was such a horny fuck, he was probably molesting Butters at that moment.

When I was done, I went back to my room and collapsed in bed. After saying goodnight to Sarah (a.k.a: My camera), I turned it off, brushed away most of the tin foil, and went to sleep.

**Butters' P.O.V**

"You sure you don't want to come, Butters?" Asked Megan, standing in the doorway. In the tiny hall outside all my friends were crammed.

"Nah, I-I'll stay here. Kenny can show me around some other time." I suggested. Kenny nodded at me.

"Okay, see ya!" Abbie yelled, slamming the door shut.

I wasn't afraid. The apartment-the girls called it a 'flat'-was small, cosy, and comforting. Much better than back home.

I switched on the old computer in the corner of the living room and sat in front of it. The other guys seemed to be more interested in using their fame to get girls, but I was more interested in finding out about the show.

I was still sitting in front of the computer when the guys got back. I had my little notebook open in front of me, but I snapped it shut when the door opened. I stabbed at the button and the computer shut off.

"What you doing, Butters?" Stan asked innocently.

"N-nuthin...I just got bored, is all."

"Cool." Stan made his way to the kitchen and grabbed some chips.

I ran back to my room to hide my notebook. I would share what I'd found with Kenny before we went to sleep. Like the night before, we would go under the blankets and talk, until I fell asleep. Kenny said he'd wait so I wouldn't get scared.

When I got back, the guys were sitting around the table, eating various snacks. I joined them, sitting up on the counter and biting into an apple out of the fruit bowl.

My phone began to buzz in my pocket.

"He-Hello?"

"Hey, Butters, honey. Do me a favour and put me on speaker. Are all the guys there?"

"Yeah, they're here." I told her, placing my phone in the centre of the table so everyone could hear.

"Great. Hi guys!" Kenni said, a little louder.

"Hey." They greeted her. They all leaned forewards a little, eager to speak with her.

"SO, good news!"

"What is it?" Kyle inquired.

"I got your money transferred to your bank accounts over there. I've already sent you a letter with all the details. You're allowed to spend it on whatever you like. But you have to remember to save for groceries, clothes, and rent. That shouldn't be a problem, considering the amount you get. But don't let yourself get behind on anything. And do not-DO NOT!-buy another house, or fancy cars, or ANY cars. Got it?"

"Why not?" Eric groaned.

"Because!" Came an exasperated voice from across the sea. Sarah. "Then people will guess who you are. Your shape, Kyle's Jew-fro, Kenny's-oof!" It sounded like someone had elbowed Sarah in the ribs. Wonder why?

"Kenny's parka, which we know he'll never leave behind." Kenni finished for her.

"How much do we get anyway?" Kenny asked. I smiled sympathetically. His eyes were shining. I knew Kenny didn't have much money, never had. That I knew of.

Kenni giggled. The sound was muffled. She must have been wearing her own parka.

"Ten thousand. A month. Pounds."

"Pounds?" Eric asked. Stan and Kyle slapped their hands to their foreheads.

"That's the currency there, baby." Sarah explained.

"Okay, I'm gona go now...Butters?" Kenni signalled.

I took the phone back off the counter and put it to my ear. "Yeah?"

"Has Kenny been in any trouble yet?"

I moved to our room from the kitchen and lay on my bed. "No, h-he's been good. He's really happy about the money thing, you can tell. A-and he's been looking at those photos you gave him a lot."

Kenni giggled. "Killer. Mind if I talk to him?"

"S-sure." I called Kenny in and left him and Kenni to talk.

**Cartmans P.O.V**

I really wanted the phone. I wanted to talk to Sarah, to tell her I was making a video for her. She'd like that.

I got out of the kitchen and stood outside Kenny's door. I could hear him talking. I got my camera, and set it to record mode.

"Oh, yeah, that's my favourite." Kenny was murmuring. "Definately want you to wear those for me. Or not. Oh,okay. Yeah, I'll take care of him. Talk to you later."

I hussled away as Kenny opened the door. He left, Stan came in. Stan didn't close his bedroom door.

"Hey, Nadine. Yeah, I know. No, I don't mind...Why Clyde, though? True. Can I...? Really? You don't mind? Well, I guess that's true."

Silence. Damn, I wish I knew what she was saying. It sounded like they were breaking up.

"Just making out though. I still...want you. Well, thanks. You're the best. Yeah, I'll see you soon. Kyle? Sure."

I had to listen to Kyle's sparse conversation with Lizzie (I think it was mostly just her screaming) before it was my turn. I snatched the phone out of Kyle's hands and retreated to my room.

"Hey, baby!" Sarah giggled.

"Hey! Listen, I'm making a video for you. About life here. I'll send it over sometime. Good stuff."

"Wow, that's sweet, Eric."

"So what were the other guys talking about?"

"Not much. Stan and Kyle got permission to make out with girls when Liz and Naddie aren't around, mostly because Liz and Naddie want to make out with Tweek and Clyde."

"Do...uh...Do you want to make out with someone?"

"Do you count yourself in that?" Sarah laughed awkwardly. "If you want to see other girls, that's fine."  
"No! No, it's not that...I just didn't want you to feel like you couldn't make out with other famous guys."

"There's only one famous guy for me, babe."

"Awesome. Hey, don't phone calls cost a whole lot from over there?"

"Oh, yeah, no, that's okay. We reversed charges."

Then she hung up.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Just realized nothing happened in this chapter. But I reckon next chapter we discover Butters has read up some REAL interesting stuff on the show ;) see you then


	6. Chapter 6

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Six**

**Butters' P.O.V**

"Butters? Me and Kyle are gona go shopping. Cartman ate all the chicken."

"O-Okay. I'll hold the fort!" I told them resolutely, saluting. They laughed at me and left. Cartman had already gone out to film some stuff for Sarah, so it was just me and Kenny.

Kenny had spent an aweful long time in the bathroom last night, and I'd fallen asleep before I got the chance to tell him what I found out yesterday. Now was my chance.

"'Sup, Butters?" He asked me, stretching. His hair was all scruffy from staying in bed too long.

"N-nuthin', Kenny, I was just wonderin' if we could talk for a little?" I told him, but it still came out as a question. Talking to Kenny made me feel a little nervous.

"Sure. What about?" I was sitting at the computer, so Kenny sat on the couch closest to me and leaned over the arm. I waved my notebook at him.

"I've been lookin' at stuff on the internet. Stuff about us."

"Oh yeah?" He looked interested. "What did you find?"

"Well, about you there's lots and lots of stuff. You've got a whole fanbase! O-oh, and I found Kenni's website. Full of pictures of you o'course." I blushed a little while Kenny laughed.

"Tell me some of the stuff!" He urged me. I flipped open my notebook. There were at leased ten pages on Kenny already, but I decided he didn't have to know that. I read out a little paragraph on the first.

"K-Kenny McCormick: The resident bad-boy of South Park." He smiled at that. "Kenny spends most of his time reading...well,uhh...Ahem! In his room. He lives with his parents and his older brother, who fight a lot. He's closest to his little sister, Karen." I stopped.

"Jeez. They probably know way more detailed stuff than that." Kenny commented. "Anything good?"

"W-Well actually, I found a website yesterday. I didn't get to reading anything on it, but it's a website where people-f-fans of the show, I guess-can write their own stories about us."

"Cool. Show me, show me!" Kenny jumped up off the sofa and lifted me off the chair like it was nothing. I squealed a little, but he just sat on the chair and put me back down in his lap.

"Get on the 'site, Butters." He told me. He was giggling a little, I guess at my squealing like a girl, but I didn't mind.

I clicked onto the page. I'd bookmarked it the day before.

"You want to pick one?" I asked him. He reached out and clicked a story. Then he leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Read it to me, would you?"

I liked that. I liked it so much that I just started reading. Like a bedtime story, only it was early afternoon.

The story was about Stan and Kyle, mostly. Kenny was in it a little too, and I was in a couple of chapters. Kyle was narrating, and apparently Stan was acting funny. Around chapter three, Kenny sat up and stared at the screen like something was wrong. But he didn't tell me to stop reading so I just carried on.

I got to the rude words in chapter five and stopped myself.

**Kenny's P.O.V**

Butters stopped reading and I knew he'd finally caught on to where the story was going. In the middle of a sex scene, no less.

"That's...that's weird." I managed. Butters nodded.

I scooted him over in my lap, and asked if he could look up this kind of thing. He got up some search engine and clicked around a little before leaning back to let me read.

"I-It's real popular." He told me.

"Seems like it..." I murmured as I read. A lot of the stories were Stan and Kyle stories, but there were a few others mixed in, like Eric and Kyle, and..._me _and Kyle...Me and Eric? Jeez...

Eventually, I started laughing. I mean, c'mon, this was ridiculous. Gay love stories are the most popular thing on this website to do with our show!

"W-What you lauging at, Kenny?" Butters asked nervously.

"Oh, I know!" I said, beginning to have fun with this idea. "Let's see who the most popular pairing is..." I began to click, and to type. Butters started laughing with me.

"It's probably Stan and Kyle. Th-there were a lot of those." He pointed out. But I was more logical.

"Ah, that means lots of people are writing them! Doesn't mean people are reading them! Maybe they're just easy to write."

Butters nodded. I clicked my final click, and the results flashed up onscreen.

I blushed.

Beside me, Butters blushed.

MOST POPULAR SOUTH PARK COUPLES:

5. CRAIG & TWEEK [CREEK]

4. KYLE & KENNY [K2]

3. CARTMAN & KYLE [KYMAN]

2. STAN & KYLE [STYLE]

1. KENNY & BUTTERS [BUNNY]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Welp, there we go, the action has started. I have this all planned out. The polls were fake by the way, I just made them up. Don't worry if your favourite couple isn't on there! Kyle's certainly popular up there, isn't he? Anyways, hope you're still with me and enjoying this, cause things only get more interesting from here!


	7. Chapter 7

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Seven**

**Kenny's P.O.V**

Dinner was awkward. Butters sat at the counter, me at the table. The others arrived halfway through and stole the rest of our pizza, but at leased the tension eased a little.

Bedtime was even more awkward. But eventually, I couldn't stand not talking to him anymore. So I turned towards him and asked "Why do you think it's us?"

Butters turned slowly and bit his lip in thought.

"M-maybe we should ask the g-girls next time they call?" He suggested.

"You think they know about stuff like that?" I wondered.

"O' course!" Butters cried. "Don't you r-remember what Megan said to Stan after she k-kissed Kyle?"

I remembered. Something like 'Stan, my boy, you're missing out'.

"Oh yeah. Yeah, we'll ask Kenni."

**Eric's P.O.V**

I had to work really hard not to laugh out loud. Didn't those guys know about Internet History?

I still couldn't believe they'd been reading porny stories about Stan and Kyle. That was just sick! What had they been doing while they read it? Touching eachother? Probably.

I filmed the computer screen for a few seconds, on the dirtiest scene in the story. Then I chuckled for good measure and turned off the camera. Sarah would get a kick out of that.

I couldn't help but browse. I typed my name into the search, for the same kind of stories, just to see who they paired me with.

Kenny was quite a popular one, but of course he would be. Kenny was a whore, he was probably popular with everyone, boys and girls.

Butters was another. I laughed a little. I was the top in those, everytime, I liked that.

I choked on my chips when I read my most popular match. Fucking Kyle? Me fucking Kyle, to be exact! That fucking filthy Jew? What the heck?

I almost switched off the comuter in rage, but then I had an idea...

A deliciously evil idea...

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

I rolled over, and heard paper flutter to the floor. I shifted, and this time a big stack of paper fell off the top of me. I jerked fully awake and looked to the floor. The paper had settled there, various sized booklets of it stapled together.

I staggered up, trying hard not to wake Stan, and gathered the papers. I set them on my desk, and got dressed, before sitting down to read them.

The first was a relatively short passage.

_Kenny stroked up the shaft of Kyle's hardened member softly, and the Jew shivered as the warmth and pleasure engulfed him entirely. _

_"Are you ready, babe?" Kenny asked, lifting Kyle's feet to his shoulders. Kyle just nodded, head lolling on the pillow, eyes half closed._

_Slowly, Kenny pushed himself inside Kyle. Kyle writhed a little at first, moaning, but then the pain subsided and he was free to enjoy the feeling of Kenny's huge dick sliding in and out of him, picking up speed as it went._

I stopped reading...What the fuck!

I flicked the page to the side and looked at the next booklet. This one was a little bigger, maybe twenty pages. I skimmed to a random page and began reading the middle paragraph.

_Eric stroked a finger down Kyles mid-section lovingly, some of Kyle's seed trailing with it. When he reached Kyles pelvis, Eric stopped and lifted his finger to his lips-_

GROSS! EW EW EW EW EW!

Flipping the pages, I discovered all the excerpts were the same, sex scenes between Cartman and myself. Where the heck were they from?

A little afraid of what I was about to read, I pulled the third, heavier booklet to me, and again opened it randomly.

_The water ran in rivulets through Stan's thick black hair as his head bobbed up and down. Kyle's head rolled back and into the shower wall as Stan's mouth slid over his shaft, as his tongue lapped daintily at the tip. Stan heard Kyle's soft moans and got rough with him, pumping his dick with his hand and still licking the tip to give maximum pleasure._

I think my heart had stopped beating. I flipped all the booklets over, looking for a reference, a name, something to tell me where these monstrosities originated.

All there was was a message, each word written in either red, yellow, or blue gel pen: 'Which ones make you hottest?'.

"Cartmaaaaaaaaaaaan!" I screamed.


	8. Chapter 8

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Eight**

**Stan's P.O.V**

I tapped my pen against my teeth, staring at the blank page in front of me. I had promised Nadine I would let her read my diary, so I had to be careful what I wrote from now on. There was nothing I could do about previous entries. I'd have to tell her my homo-erotic dreams were a phase. Even though that phase hadn't quite ended yet...

My eyes strayed to Kyle's diary, lying in plain sight on his desk. When my intentions strayed also, I didn't think before reaching over a picking it up, wondering...

Everyone had heard Kyle yelling at Cartman earlier that morning, but now the apartment was silent. Kenny and Butters were giggling and whispering whilst they lounged on the computer chair, Butters on Kenny's knee. Cartman sat in the kitchen, chomping chips and watching them, an amused smile on his face. Kyle had stormed out of the house after his blow-up and nobody had seen him since.

So, I was alone, with Kyle's diary in my hands.

It was too tempting. I didn't even feel the smallest amount of guilt as I flipped open the book, even though I was basically betraying my best friend's trust...

I stopped flipping when I noticed the most recent entry. Weirdly, it began with the words 'Chapter One'.

_"I missed you" Stan whispered, nibbling my ear affectionatly._

_"You too." I murmured, concentrating on his hand down my pants more than anything else._

I sighed, pushed back my chair, drew in breath, and yelled.

"Cartmaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

**Cartman's P.O.V**

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but stop it!" Kyle had yelled.

I had tried to explain, had told him the web address, but he had shoved on his coat and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

So I sat in the kitchen and waited for his return. While I waited, I watched Kenny and Butters get chummy on the computer chair. Their eyes were glued to the screen, but occasionally they would break off and stare at eachother, giggling or whispering furiously.

Comfortable, are we?

Suddenly "Cartmaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Came Stan's voice from his room.

Butters jumped, and Kenny had to wrap his arms around him to stop him falling off his lap. I sighed and got up slowly, strolling through the living room and opening the door to Stan's room.

"What is this?" Stan asked calmly, dangling a green book from his hand.

"I believe that's Kyle's diary?" I asked innocently.

"What did you do to it?" He questioned further.

"Nothing. I can't even get to the thing."

Stan's eyes widened. I could see why. If I was an ordinary seventeen year old boy I would never have been able to plant the stories in their bed, or in Kyles diary. One of the boys was always in the room and guarding the diaries with their very lives...But I was _not_ an ordinary boy, and therefore I had done so with ease.

"You mean...You mean you haven't touched it?" Stan stammered.

"No. I would've, God knows how much I'd want to know all Kyle's dirty little secrets..." I allowed myself a small shiver of pleasure. "But I could never get to it." I made myself stare at the book longingly, as if I hadn't already read it cover to cover. Kyle's homo-erotic dreams were clearly not a phase, as his writings often suggested.

I left Stan nodding dumbly and shut the door.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Just wanted to comment and say that I have no idea why Stan and Kyle are seemingly gay, because that is not how this was supposed to go...I scare myself with the fact I can't control where this story is going...


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I just noticed how horribly short and kind of boring my last chapter was, so I've written this one too

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Nine**

**Butters' P.O.V**

"Hello?"

"H-Hey, Kenni."

"Oh, hey Butters babe. Hold on one sec..."

I waited patiently and heard Kenni say something that sounded suspiciously like 'Shush Craig', but I couldn't be sure. I must have been mistaken though, because Kenni was totally dedicated to Kenny, and he liked her very much.

"What's up, hon?" Kenni asked after a few giggles. There were some masculine chuckles from her end too, but I'm sure she and Craig were just friends. Of course, it was midnight...A sleepover between a boy and a girl was unusual...

"I-I gotta ask you something" I mumbled.

"Hmm?" She nudged verbally.

"Wh-what does it mean i-if a boy kinda sorta likes another boy?"

Kenni drew in breath sharply and whispered "It's Kenny isn't it? Oh, Butters it is!"

I nodded. Then I realized she couldn't see me and cleared my throat. "Y-Yes."

"Ooooh!" Kenny squealed. "Listen, baby, I'm a little busy right now-Oh, Craig! Mmm...Stop that!-So I'll call you in the morning. But you have to promise to give me every detail!"

"I p-promise Kenni."

"Oh sweet Jesus!" Came Tweek's familiar shriek.

Kenni's next reply was muffled, like she was talking with her mouth full. "Great! Goodnight, baby!"

"G'night"

"Oh, _Craig!"_ Kenni yelled. Then the line went dead.

**Kenny's P.O.V**

It was dark, Butters was asleep, and I had a boner.

I tried and tried to just ignore it and get some sleep, but Kenni's book, and the computer in the living room, were calling to me. Eventually, with a growl, I pushed myself up and opened the drawer of my bedside table. I grabbed the book and headed into the narrow hallway.

My foot came down on a creaky floorboard, and I drew in breath through my teeth, statue still. Butters, I could see, was not disturbed. I listened, hearing Cartman's snores and Kyle and Stan muttering away to eachother, whether in their sleep or not I didn't care.

I continued to the computer.

I stood in the dark, airy living room, staring at the machine. There was a tent pitching in my thin cotton boxers, a huge T-shirt hanging from my upper body.

This was so wrong in so many ways.

Sitting, I slouched into a comfortable position and waited for the computer to load up. When it did, I flipped to my favourite picture in Kenni's album, and typed in the familiar web adress. So much to choose from, anyone I wanted, there to play with. But I only had one boy in mind.

Yeah, you got that right.

One _boy_.

Clicking tentatively, I typed in the words Butters and I hadn't dared type on our recent investigations.

_Kenny x Butters_

**Butters' P.O.V**

It was my phone that woke me up. I reached out and flipped it open before it could disturb Kenny, who was sleeping beside me with a small smile on his face.

"H-Hello?"

"Hey Butters, it's Kenni."

"Oh, h-hey Kenni!" Butterflies erupted in my stomach. I threw back the blankets and got into our closet, hoping Kenny wouldn't wake up and hear me.

"Okay, hon, is it okay if I put you on loudspeaker so the girls can hear?"

"W-well I g-guess..." She'd probably tell them anyway. If I knew anything about girls it was that they talked a lot. Usually spilling everyone else's secrets.

"Hi Butters!" Chorused the girls.

"Hey guys!"

"So...Kenny, huh?" Mary strained, and the girls collapsed into giggles.

I got a little indignant. "Well, if you th-think it's so funny I...I don't s-see why I should tell you!"

"No! No, Butters!" Nadine rushed to assure me. "We don't think it's funny it's just...we're excited."

"Excited?"

"Of course!" Sarah chimed in. "We read fanfiction y'know!"

I blushed.

"So, tell us all about it." Nadine ordered.

"W-well...I always liked Kenny the best."

"Why?" Lizzie asked.

"W-well, just 'cause he never bullied me like-like the others did. He always used to t-turn around and say 'Butters, one day they'll be g-gone and you can do whatever you want'."

There were several 'aww's and a small squeal from their end of the line.

"That's adorable!" Gushed Kenni. "So how do you know you like-like him?"

I thought about it for a moment, and I could see them gathered around a table at the other end, heads bent over the phone, breathing heavily.

"I-I guess it's because we found some fanfiction too." I told them confidently.

"Oh, you did? Did you read any of mine?" Sarah yelled excitedly.

"I-I don't think so. B-but you can tell me yours sometime if you like..." I trailed off. "Anyways, we found it and read some of it. Then Kenny thought it'd be a good idea to see who the most p-popular couple was..."

"...And?" Nadine prompted.

"And it was us."

Applause, cheers.

"Of course it's you!" Lizzie cried.

"But-but why?"

"Well..." Lizzie began.

"I suppose it's because you're always portrayed as...innocent." Sarah mused.

"And cutesy. Lovey-dovey." Nadine concluded.

"And Kenny's just so..." Mary searched for words.

"Whore-ish." Nadine laughed.

"Big brotherly, and hot!" Kenni finished.

"You're the perfect couple. Just like Craig and Tweek are popular because Tweek's a mess, and Craig's so down to earth."

"Or Stan and Kyle, because Kyle's always stressed about work and life in general, and Stan's a dizzy dreamer who just about manages to get by!"

I interrupted to ask an important question. "So why are Eric's pairs popular?"

There was a pause. Kenni began tentatively.

"Well, see, Eric's always been so mean and manipulative, especially towards Kyle. Some girls like to think that it's all a show because he was jealous of Stan and Kyle's super-best-friendship. And with you, well..." She trailed off.

"Whuh...What?" I asked, feeling nervous.

"No offence Butters, but you always did seem to have a crush on Eric. Having you two paired is people's wishes that he'd return the favour..."

I reddened. Shaking my head, I got back on subject.

"So, girls...What do I do about K-Kenny?"

"Now you're talking!" Lizzie sighed.

"We'll talk to him."

"Soon."

"And then we'll call you."

"Then you tell him."

"B-but I don't think I can tell him!" I panicked. What if we couldn't be friends anymore because of it?

"You have to, Butters. It's the only way."

And with that, the girls said their goodbyes, and hung up.


	10. Chapter 10

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Ten**

**Kenny's P.O.V**

I woke up and reached to my right to give Butters a good morning hug, but found he wasn't there. I sat up sleepily and looked towards his desk, but his legos were untouched and he wasn't there either.

Then I heard his voice from...The closet?

"B-But I don't think I can tell him!" He sounded upset, his voice shaking along with his characteristic stutter.

"Well...Okay. Buh-bye now."

I grinned at Butters as he exited, and he froze, mouth agape, staring at me.

"Hey Butters..." I said hesitantly, confused as to why he was in the closet, and why he looked so afraid.

"Guh-G'morning Kenny." Butters seemed to try and compose himself, brushing his palms over his pyjama shirt rythmically.

"Who were you talking to?" I asked, standing up and popping the joints in my back. It felt so good, even if it was terrifically bad for me.

"Just the g-girls." Butters' cheeks flushed red, and I couldn't help but think how adorable he looked.

"What did they want?"

"N-Nothin'" I could tell Butters was becoming increasingly uncomfortable by the way he knocked his knuckles together and bit his lips. I decided to drop the subject.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked instead.

A small smile appeared on Butters' face as he answered.

"Well, I-I never did get that tour of the city."

"Good choice, my man." I laughed. "Let's go!"

I threw on some clothes, but waited patiently while Butters showered and ironed a shirt. It was strange to see him out of his usual blue fleece but, as he put it, "I-It's a lot colder back home."

"Guys." I yelled, ushering Butters out of the door. "We're going out. Don't wait up!"

"See you!" Stan and Kyle chorused from their room. A grunt from the kitchen served as Eric's goodbye.

"So, Butters." I said, casually taking his hand and towing him along up the street. "Anywhere in particular you want to go?"

I turned to him when he stopped. He chewed his lip, eyes to the skies. I could almost see the wheels turning in his mind.

"No." He said finally, making me laugh. "You can choose."

I took his hand again, and we headed down the street.

**Butters' P.O.V**

Kenny's hand, without his mittens, was warm. His hand wasn't all sweaty like Eric's was (I held Eric's hand all the time when he took me on adventures...Eric's adventures were scary). I was glad Kenny was strolling along in front of me, because that way he couldn't see the slow blush that was creeping across my cheeks. I let him drag me along the sidewalk with no idea where we were headed. I just enjoyed the feeling of his hand wrapped around mine and the way people looked at us as we passed. It wasn't like in South Park, where everybody knew everyone and you couldn't escape from anything. People didn't smile as they walked by, but they did smile when they saw our hands joining us.

Kenny turned suddenly into a quiet store. Directly in front of us was a huge shelf, covered in magazines and comics, but Kenny led me past them, not even glancing at the naked-lady-magazines he usually spent a long time debating over.

He led me to the back of the store, where there was merchandise for all the coolest T.V shows, some of which I watched myself.

"Look." Kenny pointed to the boxes on the middle shelf, specifically a huge one sitting right in the middle. I wasn't as tall as Kenny, and had to stand up on my tiptoes in order to see it properly. Kenny chuckled when he saw this, and lifted me up, his hands hooked securely to my waist.

I was distracted from the embarrassment of this when I saw what the big box contained.

"Lift it down, Butters." Kenny ordered, and I grabbed the box with both hands.

Kenny set me back on my feet, and together we set the box on the floor and sat beside it. Inside were the most extremely detailed figures of everyone from our hometown.

"There's me!" Kenny laughed excitedly, pointing in the middle of the mess to an orange-clad figure, hood up to hide his face. I laughed too, and searched around for myself. I was in the top row, in my blue fleece. Every figure was holding something, and I had a book. Upon closer inspection, it was entitled 'The Tale Of Scrotie McBoogerballs'. It told us on the back that my figure came with tap shoes and attachable vampire teeth.

"What do I come with?" Kenny asked. I read to him from the box:

"Kenny McCormick: Comes with three mice, Fingerbang hat and adult literature."

Kenny laughed heartily. After reading what some of our friends came with, a strange expression came over his face.

"Let's buy it."

"B-But Kenny!" I cried, stuttering due to shock. "It's over £100"

"Are dollars and pounds the same thing?" Kenny asked distractedly, standing and removing his battered wallet from his jeans. I watched, mouth open, as he took out two fifties, and several tens.

"Y-you're serious?" I asked.

"Deadly." He answered me, and I watched as he took the huge box to the counter and pay the guy.

I wandered over to the counter too. There were piles and piles of colourful boxes. I picked them up and tried to discern what was in them, but there was no indication. I was confused until I spied the container. It was a lucky dip type thing. There were different catagories, from videogames and movies.

I found ours soon enough. There were only a few left. I picked up one of the boxes and turned it over, seeing what was available.

The five of us, Terrance and Phillip, , Satan...Professor Chaos. That made me blush.

"Ready to go, Butters?" Kenny asked, holding a huge carrier bag containing the miniature version of our home town. I nodded, putting down the little box and following Kenny out of the store.

**Stan's P.O.V**

Kenny and Butters staggered in just after we'd finished dinner. They were laden down with bags, and laughing at the top of their lungs. Kyle hushed them calmingly and took some of the bags, setting them down on the kitchen table. A particularly large one caught my eye.

"What's that?" I asked, getting up off the couch and hurrying to join them.

"Yeah, Butters, what did you buy me?" Cartman shuffled in from his room, where he'd been on the phone to Sarah for the last ten minutes.

"Actually..." Kenny grinned. "It's for all of us." And he pulled out a huge box.

"Woah!" Kyle gasped, as Kenny ripped apart the cardboard. He handed Kyle a figurine of himself.

"And you come with..." Kenny glanced at the back of the box. ", an attachable jew-fro and your little bro." And he handed Kyle three more little blobs of plastic.

"Sick..." I breathed, as Butters shyly gave me a little Stan doll, along with a utility belt, goth outfit and a small 'I heart Wendy' badge.

"Killer." Cartman echoed. I laughed as Kenny handed him several plastic food items, along with a cat and Clyde frog.

"Who else is there?" I asked, pulling the box towards me.

"Pretty much everyone." Kenny smiled. Even your parents. My little sister."

"P-Plus, you can get our houses and everything!" Butters chimed in, making his figurine waddle across the table.

"Cool..." We all sighed. Being famous was really-

"KILLER!" Cartman yelled as he realized he could take his mom's head off.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Well, who can see the love in the air? Who can smell it?  
I hope you're enjoying this. You'll have to bear with me, this story is a little slow. But it's picking up, I think. Next chapter we'll move back into Cartman's plot involving Stan and Kyle. It would help me understand where I'm going with that if you told me whether you wanted them to be together or not.

Also, I was thinking of doing a chapter on how the girls are dealing with being the boys, what do you think? Comment yay or ney my friends, the reader is always right!


	11. Chapter 11

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Eleven**

**STAN'S P.O.V**

I didn't even realize I was staring at Kyle until he turned around and gave me the look.

"What?" Kyle asked self-conciously.

"Huh? Nuthin'." I shook my head and cursed myself under my breath. Kyle watched me for a further few seconds before turning his chair back and continuing to scribble rapidly in his diary.

That was why I was staring. I was wondering if he was writing Chapter Two of his story. I was wondering if he was picturing me naked at that very moment. Which, at first, made me feel weird, but then it got me thinking about what Kyle would look like naked.

When he brought himself to my actual attention I had been slowly removing his pants with my eyes. Now that I thought back to what I was doing, I shivered and checked myself. I was not like that. This whole thing was a phase. I'd spent my whole life with Kyle, of course I'd have more than normal platonic felings for him.

But I wasn't gay. He was just my best friend.

Kyle stood and stretched, leaving his diary on the desk and heading for the bathroom before bed.

I dashed over and flipped to the page. Just a section on Kenny's new toys. Damn.

It's not that I had gay motives for it, it's just that...Knowing that Kyle thought about me in that way-maybe-made me feel wanted, something I hadn't felt since Wendy dumped me the year prior for some guy I didn't even know.

I heard that didn't work out. Oh well.

It kind of made me want to push my limits.

Without even thinking about it, I took of my shirt and pants and lay beneath the blankets, making sure I was all covered so Kyle wouldn't know until it was too late.

My teddy bear Kyle was stuffed roughly under my pillow. I grinned and propped it on my bedside table, where it continued to smile at me creepily.

I wondered briefly where little Stan was, but before I could investigate, I heard the sound of the flush, and snuggled deeper under the bankets.

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

I'd forgotten to take some P.J's to the bathroom with me, and after depositing clothes into the wash basket, I had no choice but to walk the hallway in just my shorts.

Luckily, Butters and Kenny were already in their room. I heard them laughing and playing with their new stuff. I knocked on the door and told them to quiet down, I was going to bed.

I knocked on my own door too and told Stan I was indecent so he could look away if he wished.

Then I entered.

Stan was snuggled under the blankets, so only his head was visible. I grinned and him and rooted in my top drawer for some clean P.J's, but there were none.

"You seen my pyjamas?"

"You put your last pair in the machine this morning."

"Shit!"

Stan grinned and rolled his eyes.

"Guess you're going to have to sleep in your shorts." He sighed, rolling over onto his side.

I blushed, glad he couldn't see me. His saying that reminded me of the papers Cartman left on my desk.

I sighed. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all, I'm sure!" Stan laughed.

I threw back the blanket.

To discover Stan's almost-totally-naked body in the bed.

He wasn't facing me, so he couldn't see my blush deepen. His skin was browning on his neck, but his back was milky white, contrasting brilliantly with his black boxer shorts. I squirmed a little, imagining our bodies, or bare skin, touching in the night, our hands caressing what we would never touch conciously...

I shook my head clear. I was starting to sound like a really corny romance novel. Stan and I had slept together like this a lot of times, ususally in a much smaller single bed. It wasn't like I hadn't seen him vulnerable before.

But this time seemed different. This time, as I slipped into bed beside him, my body buzzed with a weird electricity.

_Stop it Kyle, _My brain hissed. _It's a phase._

I nodded to myself. Stan turned over to look me in the eyes, and my heart thumped a little harder as I struggled for words to say.

"Goodnight Kyle." Stan said, and tugged me into him to give me a huge bear hug.

**STAN'S P.O.V**

It was a spur-of-the-moment decision to hug Kyle.

His body was cooler than mine. Our skin touched pretty much everywhere, and it made my body tingle with a weird excitement.

"G-Goodnight, Stan." Kyle stammered, wriggling free from my grip. I let him go. His face and ears were the colour of the setting sun, and he hastened to cover as much of himself as possible.

I chuckled and rolled over. It wasn't long before I was drifting off to sleep, despite the waves of tension rolling off Kyle's body.

When I next woke, I was curled against Kyle's back, my face buried in his soft red curls. Our bodies were warm and a little moist against eachother, but I was so amazingly comfortable that I didn't want to move.

Instead, I nuzzled my face further into the mess of curls and pressed my body closer to Kyle's. Kyle stirred a little and murmured, and I stroked his cheek with my thumb, shushing him before closing my eyes and falling away...

In the morning, I awoke to find myself alone. I threw my arm to the other side of the bed and ran my fingers over the matress, searching for some remnant of warmth. There was none.

"Kyle!" I groaned. "Kyyyyyyylllee!"

"What, dumbass?" Kyle laughed, appearing in the doorway, still only in his underwear.

"Where were you?" I asked him sternly, and he laughed some more.

"You're such a freak."

It wasn't until later in the day that I remembered Kyle could potentially be crushing on me, or our embrace of the night before.

When I did remember, a warm feeling spread over my entire being, and I couldn't wait for night to fall

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This chapter sucked balls. I'm sorry. I just needed that cuddle. That cuddle is central to the plot.


	12. Chapter 12

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

"I know the answer, Mr. Garrison. Pick me! Me!" Yelled Kyle. His three friends giggled girlishly.

"Okay...Kyle." Mr. Garrison said for the fifth time that day.

"Suck my balls!" Kyle yelled, pulling down his pants and showing his posterior. Mr. Garrison just sighed and pointed to the door.

Kyle sighed too and saluted as he exited the classroom. Mr. Garrison watched him go, before turning to eye Craig and say: "You know, he goes to the councillor more than you do now."

Craig responded by flipping him off, face expressionless.

"Well, I'm just saying, Craig, you should try harder if you want to keep being the baddest kid in class!" The teacher held up his hands as he expressed this opinion. Kyle's three friends nudged eachother and giggled some more.

Kyle returned to the class after a few minutes, and sat silently in his seat. A few seconds later, a folded piece of paper landed neatly on his desk. He turned in the general direction it came from and saw Wendy blushing profusely. Curious, he picked up the paper and unfolded it.

His eyes widened as he read what was written in Wendy's curlicue script.

Leaning over, he whispered into Cartman's ear. "Sarah! Wendy has a crush on me!"

Sarah, blonde hair tucked beneath Cartman's hat, stuffed a gloved hand into her mouth to stifle her chuckles. The message worked it's way along the row to Kenni, who sent the message back that Lizzie should make out with Wendy and send it to Stan to make him jealous. Eventually, the row of girls-or boys depending on who was watching- had collapsed into giggles.

"Boys, boys! Settle down!" Mr. Garrison yelled, and they shut up. "Do you have something you want to share with the class?"

Lizzie looked down at the note in her hand, and then up at Wendy. Wendy shook her head frantically, but Lizzie had other ideas. She stood up on her desk, and said proudly: "Wendy Testaburger is my new girlfriend!"

Wendy blushed bright red, but looked amazingly happy at this development. Nadine, however, did not.

"Hey, that's my girl!" Nadine yelled, standing and holding out her arms.

Lizzie jumped down from the desk and squared up to Nadine, even though Nadine was much bigger. "You got a problem?"

"Hell yeah I got a problem!" Nadine raged.

"Come at me, bro!" Lizzie grinned, holding out her arms also.

"And finally, something interesting happens in the classroom!" Mr. Garrison laughed, collapsing back into his chair and folding his arms behind his head.

"Hey! I'm in love with Wendy, too!" Kenni yelled, jumping out of her seat and pushing the others apart roughly. Each girl tried not to smirk as Sarah followed suit, crying "I was going to ask her out later!"

"Well, then, you're going to have to fight to the death..." Their teacher suggested non-chalantly.

"Agreed!" The girls chimed, all glancing Wendy's way. Her head was on the desk, cheeks flushed in exhilaration.

However, Mr. Garrison broke in uncertainly as Kenni and Nadine sized eachother up. "Uhh...Maybe after class. I might get fired if I allow a fight..."

The girls nodded at eachother and sat down.

Across the nation, even across the world, families sitting in front of their T.V's laughed. They didn't know what it was, but the four boys had been up to more than usual on the most recent episodes of South Park...

**CARTMAN'S P.O.V**

When I entered the room, Stan was spread-eagled on the bed, on top of the blankets, snoring softly. I smirked. Perfect.

Without making a sound, I sat in Kyle's desk chair and pulled the little green book towards me. I pulled the papers from my jacket pocket and began to copy from them, easily sliiping into the flow of Kyle's slanted handwriting.

When I was done, I laid the book in the corner of the desk, lining up the edges with the desk, just the way Kyle did. Neither Stan nor Kyle would know I was here, thanks to Kyle's unwillingness to read his past entries to anyone but his overpaid shrink.

I pushed the chair back under the desk, gathered up my papers and booked it out of there, being sure to slam the door extra hard.

**STAN'S P.O.V**

The door slammed loudly and I jerked awake. I was alone once more.

I grinned. The last time I had seen Kyle, he had been sitting at his desk, staring at his diary and tapping his pen against his teeth. That meants there was possibly a new entry.

I exited the room, searching the apartment for any sign that Kyle was still around, but there was none. There was only Cartman, munching chips in the living room and staring mindlessly at the T.V. He smirked at me when I entered but didn't otherwise acknowledge my prescense.

I returned to my room and shut the door, grabbing Kyle's diary off the desk and laying down on the bed. Keeping alert for the sound of the front door, I flipped to the last entry and was pleased to find the words 'Chapter Two' heading the page.

_The sound of footsteps in the hall alerted me of Stan's arrival, and I squirmed beneath the sheets. Just having him in the building made me excited._

_The bedroom door opened and revealed..._

_Kenny._

_Kenny stared at me a moment. I stammered, but couldn't get out any words. Before I could stop him, Kenny was pulling back the sheets to reveal my naked body, sprawled out before him in the worst manner possible._

_"Kenny, what-?"_

_Before I could finish my sentance, Kenny mashed his mouth to mine. The shock was enough to keep me still for only a few seconds, but by that time I was kissing him back passionately. Stan was pushed to the back of my mind._

That was rather dissapointing. Could it be that Kyle like Kenny in actuality? Could I have misinterpreted things?

I remembered our cuddles of the night before. Although Kyle may not have been entirely aware of it, I was, and I wasn't about to let Kenny, of all people, hug Kyle in such a way.

Kyle was my property.

Woah...That was a weird thought.


	13. Chapter 13

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

Considering there were five of us, all male, living in one house, especially since of of us was Cartman, I shouldn't have been surprised that I had to go get groceries so often. But I was.

I came back laden with bags, and it was whilst I was putting it all away that someone grabbed my forearm, making me jump and drop several tins of food.

"Holy shit!" I yelled, turning to find Kenny, still gripping my arm and with a somber look on his face.

"Sorry dude. Can we talk?"

He looked so sad that I just had to follow him back to his bedroom, where he shut the door. Butters was in Cartman's room helping him edit the movie he'd made for Sarah, so we were alone for the time being.

"What's up Ken?" I asked, plopping down on the bed.

"I need to ask you about something." He said simply, throwing off his shirt.

"I figured."

Kenny fidgeted for a moment before blurting. "When did you know you were gay?"

I spluttered, lost for words. Eventually I managed a very Mom-esqe "What what WHAT?"

Holding up his palms, Kenny answered defensively "No offence man, I'm just wondering!"

"I'm not...What makes you think I'm..." Rather than babble like an idiot, I breathed deeply and forced myself to remain calm. "I'm not gay."

Kenny smirked. "Oh, c'mon dude. I've read your diaries."

I blushed. To be frank, I didn't really care. It wasn't Kenny I was worried about. "Okay. You do know that's a violation of my privacy?"

"Who's to say I care?" He laughed.

I laughed too, and then sat back to think. I was still a little embarrassed. My face was hot and a thin sheen of sweat was forming on my person.

"I guess I knew when I didn't stop enjoying my dreams." I answered. Kenny nodded, urging me to go on.

"At first I thought it was a phase. Then when they didn't go away, I just sort of accepted it. Then it came to me that I've never been ineterested in girls and I think some guys are hot. And I realized."

Kenny continued to nod at me dumbly.

"Why do you want to know anyway?" I asked, suddenly suspicious. If he told Stan, I'd-

"Can you keep a secret?" Kenny asked, grinning and leaning in like a little kid.

"Fuck, dude, I have to!" I laughed, but I leaned in too.

"I think I like Butters." Kenny told me, without even a hint of shame in his voice, nor red on his cheeks. He was guilt-free, embarrassment-free, and I admired him in that moment.

"You...You do?" I asked, trying to picture a guy like Kenny having the patience and capacity to deal with an innocent like Butters. I couldn't quite get it right, but if anyone could try such a thing I knew Kenny could. Kenny made mistakes sometimes but he always worked to put them right.

"Uh-huh." Kenny leaned back on his pillows, arms crossed behind his head.

"How do you figure?" I pushed.

"Well, just little things. He makes me feel warm and fuzzy. The way he talks makes me smile. When he's happy, I'm happy. Oh, and I jacked off to a porny story about us the other night."

Once again, Kenny made me splutter. I had no idea what to say to this last sentance, but I did know that something within it had caught my attention, and it was not the thought of Kenny masturbating.

"Porny story?" I asked eventually. "About you and Butters?"

"Oh yeah." Kenny sighed non-chalantly. "There's a whole website full of them. They've paired us all. You and Stan, me and Butters, Eric and Butters, you and Eric...Other guys from back home too."

The cogs worked around in my mind. Suddenly the papers I found in my bed made a lot more sense. Cartman didn't know as much about computers as I did, but I was sure he was clever enough to open up internet history and see what Kenny and Butters had been up to.

"Is that why you and Butters have been on the internet so much lately?" I questioned. Kenny simply nodded.

After a few minutes of silence, during which I made my decision to visit this website of which Kenny spoke, and Kenny watched me think with an amused smile, Kenny broke the tension.

"So what do I do about Butters?"

"I don't think I'm the right person to ask about that." I answered honestly.

"Oh, right, cause of the whole _I'm in love with my best friend but I can't tell him _deal?"

"Exactly." I replied. "Kenny your room is fucking scorching, open a window."

It wasn't so much the heat as my embarrassment at Kenny knowing my secret that was making me so hot. But I was, by now, sweating profusely at my awkward situation, and I'm sure my face was a very unattractive shade of red.

Kenny watched me leave, but said nothing.

**STAN'S P.O.V**

Kyle's groceries had been left unpacked on the counter, his coat flung over the back of the chair but not hung up. He wasn't in the kitchen, living room or bathroom. Cartman's door was open, and inside he and Butters were playing with Cartman's movie camera.

Kyle was not in our room either.

I stood outside of Kenny's room door and listened.

"-open a window!" Came Kyle's voice. The doorknob turned and I moved away a little. Kyle charged out and ran straight into me, knocking us both to the floor.

"Oops! Sorry, Stan!" Kyle gasped, picking up first himself, then offering me his hand.

I stared at him. His hair was almost flat with sweat, his clothes hanging all wrong. His face was red, but there was a light in his eyes that stopped him from looking pathetic.

My eyes traveled from Kyle's face to the room he had just barged out of. Kenny lay in his bed, watching us with an amused smile spread over his face. His bottom half was covered by a thin cotton sheet, but I could see his chest.

His bare chest.

I slapped Kyle's hand away, pulling myself up and storming into my room.

It had finally hit. The realization. I knew now what I had been afraid to admit to knowing.

I was in love with my best friend.

Through the wall, I heard Kenny chuckle and murmur "What was that about?"

"I don't know." Kyle sounded a little concerned. I heard the bed creak, a few giggles. And that's when I knew two things.

I was in love with my best friend.

And I was going to kick some blonde ass.

Tomorrow though, because all I wanted to do was cry.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ohh, poor Stan. He got completely the wrong end of the stick. Hopefully this will be cleared up next installment.


	14. Chapter 14

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Craig and Tweek were desperately attempting to keep Kenny and Kyle away from one another, which looked hard. Wendy stood on the sidelines, Bebe rubbing her back supportively.

"I'll bet this is a really hard choice for you." Bebe noted.

"Yeah." Wendy replied, not taking her eyes away from where Stan and Catman looked ready to pounce, the only things stopping them being Clyde and Pip.

"Who would you choose?" Bebe pushed. "If they asked you instead of needing to be macho?"

Wendy thought for a moment. She cast her eyes over the four boys.

"Personally, I'd have to pick Stan. You two have _soooo_ much history, and he obviously still loves you, even after you seriously broke his heart last year. Remember he went goth again? Wendy, that boy loves you."

Red broke in at this point. "Bebe! The whole reason this fight is going down is because Wendy told Kyle she liked him! If she were to pick anyone, it'd be him, right Wendy?"

Wendy made a little 'ah' noise and both girls rolled their eyes when they saw her eyes following Kenny. He was straining against Craig's hold, yelling muffled profanities Cartman's way.

"No Wendy. Even Cartman is a better choice than Kenny. I mean, think about the sexual tension you have with Cartman! Think about all those times you told me you wouldn't mind taking your heated debates to the bedroom!" Bebe stressed.

"Yeah, Wendy!" Red cried. "I mean...Kenny. He's like...a slut."

"I heard he was a virgin." Wendy said. She caught Kenny's eyes and waved flirtily. Kenny, unable to move his arms, nodded at her, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Trust Wendy." Red and Bebe sighed simultaniously.

"He won't win." Acknowledged Butters, who'd been standing quietly behind them this whole time.

"Butters!" Bebe cried, wrapping her arms around the small boy. "When did you get back in town?"

"This mornin'" Butters smiled up at Bebe.

"Well, I sure missed you." Bebe grinned back.

"I-If you'll excuse me, ladies, I gota go talk with Kenny."

Butters walked, a little too fearlessly, to Kenny's side and hissed, so only Kenny and Craig could hear. "What are you doing? Butters' parents send me to therapy for a measly week and you manage to get the four of you into a fight? Not cool!"

"Chill, Mary!" Kenni laughed. If Craig hadn't still been pretending to hold her back, she would have ruffled Mary's hair, which she had to cut for the sake of being Butters.

"How can I chill? How are you going to get out of this? The whole school is watching!"

"We've got a plan. Just relax and watch, we'll be fine."

But Mary couldn't relax. She went back to stand with Red, Wendy and Bebe, and listened to them chatter about what it would be like if Wendy was dating Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Kenny...

"Oh! It's starting!" Bebe giggled nervously.

Wendy stood to attention, watching as the four 'boys' were released and swaggered to the centre of the circle the crowd had made around them.

"Ringside seats." Mary muttered to herself, knocking her knuckles together. She chided herself and put her clenched fists to her side. The more she pretended she was Butters, the more of his habits she took on.

It was so for the other girls as well. Kenni flirted with everything that moved, male or female. Sarah was eating a whole lot more, though that might have been down to Mrs. Cartman's amazing cooking skills. Lizzie was more down to earth than she had been, and was actually stressing about schoolwork. Nadine was no longer big and bouncy around other people, even people who knew their secret. She was more subdued, and Mary had noticed her looking a little green when talking to Clyde earlier.

Mary covered her face with her hands as Nadine lurched foreward and grabbed Lizzie by the collar. Lizzie held onto Kyle's hat, keeping her hair concealed beneath it.

The crowd gasped as Nadine seemingly brought her lips down on Lizzie's.

In truth, the girls were amazing actresses, and had simply tilted their heads and positioned their hands in a way so it looked as if they were kissing. Sarah backed up, looking disgusted, but Kenni looked intruiged.

She waved Mary over, yelling 'My turn' over the noise of the crowd. Some laughed, some looked confused, others downright disgusted. Mary made her way to Kenni, who positioned herself and Mary just like the fake Stan and Kyle.

"We're in love!" They yelled at the crowd.

Wendy ran out onto the field and threw her arms around Eric.

"I hoped you'd win!" She lied.

Sarah pushed Wendy away.

"I already have a girlfriend, ho!" She laughed, enjoying the sight of Wendy's smile dropping from her face. Served her right for how brutally she'd dumped Stan the year before! "I was just messing with you!"

At this, realizing there was to be no fight, the crowd slowly dispersed.

"Told you we had it under control." Kenni giggled, making her way over to Craig and pulling him down into a totally non-fake kiss. Tweek looked on until Kenni beckoned to him and whispered in his ear. Then he nodded eagerly and headed in the direction of Kenny's house. Kenni paused to say a "Good job guys!" To her friends and skipped after them.

"She's such a whore." Mary commented dryly.

And so the South Park fans were once again stunned by the boys' newfound homosexuality, Kenny's whorish antics, and more than a little confused about why Butters had just called Kenny 'she'...


	15. Chapter 15

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Butters' P.O.V**

It was pretty late when I got out of Eric's room. We'd been messing around with the camera and actually having a good time. I'm sure it was Sarah's influence, but Eric seemed to be gaining emotion.

Stan and Kyle's room door was open. I peeked in as I passed, and noticed that they weren't in their usual sleeping position. Usually they looked very cosy, Stan hugging Kyle from behind. Tonight, Stan was crushed into a corner, facing away from Kyle, and Kyle was hanging forlornly off the edge, his fingers grazing the carpet.

I shut their door for them.

I headed into the room I shared with Kenny. Kenny was sprawled right in the middle of the bed, arms and legs at odd angles. I bit my lip. As far as I knew, the girls still hadn't called Kenny to ask him how he felt about me, and I was getting worried. Either the girls had gotten caught and so couldn't call, or the news was so bad they couldn't bear to tell me.

I shook my head and pushed away these negative thoughts, trying to think rationally. Obviously, the girls were busy, maybe they couldn't find a moment alone to call. There were cameras watching them every second of every day, of course they had to be careful. I was just being ridiculous.

Kenny twitched, and I hurried into my pyjamas in case he woke up. Then I stood awkwardly at the end of the bed, looking for a place to curl up.

But there was nowhere. Kenny had succeeded in taking over the entire bed. Either I went to sleep on the couch, or I woke him up.

Just the thought of the dark corridor outside the door gave me goosebumps, and I knew I couldn't spend the night alone in the living room. Kenny, I knew, would understand, and so I shook him lightly until he grunted awake.

"S-s-sorry to b-bother you, Kenny, but y-you should put your pyjamas on and get in bed." I advised him, grinning sheepishly.

Kenny smiled at me in a goofy manner and rolled off the bed. I crawled under the blankets and waited, listening to him pull off his jeans and hunt for pyjama pants.

He crawled under the sheets beside me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me tight to him.

"Night, Butters." He mumbled into my hair. My face burned, but I managed a stutter-free "Goodnight."

I was actually quite comfy in Kenny's arms. But as I was drifting off to sleep I swore I heard him muttering some kind of mantra. One that sounded like "I will not be like Kyle. I will not be like Kyle."

But I was too sleepy to make sense of it right then.

**Kenny's P.O.V**

Butters was cold. Stupid Eric! Didn't he realize other people, especially tiny Butters, didn't have excessive amounts of fat to keep them warm?

I cuddled Butters closer, rubbing my palms against his upper arms to create friction. Butters gasped a little and burrowed his face into my chest. His tufty blonde hair tickled my chin, and I couldn't help but smile and nuzzle it.

Despite what I had told Kyle, my feelings for Butters weren't an 'I think' thing. I did like Butters, I had for a while. His innocence, his plain cuteness, really got to me. I wished I could have been like that at some point in my life.

I wondered if I should tell him though. The kid obviously had some daddy issues. I knew enough about phsycology to know that could influence his feelings towards potential suitors. I didn't need an angry homophobic homosexual in my bed.

Hey, maybe Butters wasn't even gay. I was just jumping to conclusions because he liked to play with dolls.

I decided I would treat Butters to something new to play with tomorrow. In the least sexual way possible.

**ERIC'S P.O.V**

Gold. Pure gold.

Did everyone in that goddamn apartment think I was stupid or something?

I knew everything that was going on and it was precious!

Kenny, weirdly, was first to emerge in the morning.

"Hey Eric." He greeted me sleepily, pouring some milk on his breakfast cereal.

"Good morning Kenny." It was clear from my tone that I was up to something, and Kenny gave me a suspicious look.

"What?" I asked, wide-eyed and innocent.

"Nothing..." Kenny muttered, sitting beside me and beginning to crunch.

Butters wasn't long after.

"G'morning Eric! Kenny!" He chirped. As usual, he was all too happy in the morning.

Kenny pulled out the chair beside his so Butters could sit down, and I watched with satisfaction as Butters' cheeks flushed pink. However, this lovey-dovey scene was not the one I had been looking foreward to for the mornings entertainment.

"Eric." Kenny warned. "Why are you smiling?"

"Wait." I answered simply. And, as if on cue, Stan's voice could be heard from his room.

"Just leave me alone!" He yelled, slamming the door. He stomped into the living room and grabbed a cereal bar from the cupboard.

"Woah, what's up, Stan?" Kenny asked, standing up.

"You!" Stan snapped, whirling around to point an accusing finger in Kenny's face. "You fuck off! Before I hurt you!"

"Woah!" Kenny said again, backing up. "What did I do?"

Stan's expression became, if that were possible, even angrier. He didn't touch Kenny, but growled low in his throat and shook his head. His eyes were filled with tears.

"I'm leaving." He muttered, grabbing a jacket.

"S-s-s-Stan?" Butters spoke up, stuttering even more through fear. "You want to talk?"

"Not right now, Butters." Stan replied, his voice a lot softer towards the little guy.

Stan left the apartment just as Kyle shuffled into the kitchen. He was wearing nothing but a huge white shirt and little boxer shorts. I raised my eyebrows at him and said "Well, hey Kyle, buddy."

Kyle's huge green eyes regarded me coldly. Despite the fact that it wasn't my intent to harm Kyle on this particular mission, I waited hungrily, leaning foreward in my chair. Could this be it? Could this be the day I finally- FINALLY- made Kyle Broflovski cry?

"What did you say to him?" Kyle asked me in a gravelly voice.

"Nothing." I told him, and for once I was telling the truth. I mean, sure, I'd put the offending chapter in Kyle's diary, but it was Kyle's stupid fault for looking like he was fucking Kenny.

Was he fucking Kenny?

I wondered for a while, but the way Kenny and Butters were acting around eachother you would think Kenny was totally besotted. Why would he do anything with Kyle if he was into Butters?

The situation confused even me.

"Nothing my ass!" Kyle yelled suddenly. Butters almost jumped out of his chair, and I noted how Kenny wrapped his arms around the kid's shoulders, and rubbed his upper arm comfortingly.

"I'll have you know Stan is pissed entirely of his own accord." I informed Kyle. Might as well let him know.

"How come?" Kyle asked, calm again. He had learned a long time ago that getting mad at me got him nowhere. Being calm wouldn't help him this time though, because I knew nothing.

"I wouldn't want to say." I smirked. "Innocent ears." I made my eyes dart to Butters and back. Kyle sighed exasperatedly, and dragged me out of the room as best he could.

When we were in the living room, the kitchen door shut, Kyle spun around to face me but said nothing, staring into my eyes beseechingly.

I cleared my throat. I heard a phone trilling in the kitchen, heard two chairs pull back. But I concentrated solely on Kyle's eyes, willing the tears hidden behind them to spill over.

"Hello...?" Came Kenny's voice from the kitchen. "Course I can talk!"

Kyle's lips was trembling. I licked my lips, surpressing a shiver of delight. I could almost taste the tears.

"Do I...Do I what?" Kenny's voice had become that of a frightened little boy. Butters was not making a sound.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the moment of impact.

"Stan knows you fucked Kenny."

Kyle's already huge eyes widened further, but still there was no sign of tears. I could sense they were close.

"H...Huh?" Kyle's voice cracked.

From the kitchen, came the confident and assured reply of Kenny.

"I do. I will."


	16. Chapter 16

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**STAN'S P.O.V - THAT MORNING**

I was confused, when I woke up, as to why Kyle was not warm against my stomach. I was just about to roll over and hug him close when I remembered the image of Kenny, lying naked in bed, smirking, while Kyle stood over me, hot and sweaty. That was enough to send me over the edge. But it was when Kyle rolled over and smiled at me, when Kyle greeted me with "Hello, handsome!" that I cracked.

"Don't talk to me." I told him. He looked hurt, and that made me angry. What right did he have to be hurt, because I was mad at him for breaking my heart?

"What's wrong, Stan?" Kyle asked, acting dumb. He stood, dragging the blanket with him. He was wearing a white shirt and boxer shorts, and just the sight of his exposed legs drove me wild. How dare Kenny-Kenny! The slut! The whore!-touch this delicate little frame? How dare he stain the beuty and innocence of it?

Before I did.

I couldn't bare to look at Kyle. When I did, the mental image of Kenny on top of him forced it's way into my brain. And it was too much.

"I think you know." I replied dryly.

Kyle shook his head, his gorgeous hair bouncing.

I beathed heavily, dropping my head into my hands. I had pulled on a shirt and some jeans with effort. I was going to try to have a normal day. But tears were forcing themselves out of my eyes, and I couldn't hold back the words that came out of my mouth next.

"I loved you, Kyle."

I had said them quietly, but I knew he'd heard me by the way he straightened suddenly.

"You...Love me?" He whispered, putting his hand to his face.

I growled in response. Suddenly, Kyle lurched towards me and hugged me tight. I flinched away from him as he cried "Oh Stan! This is so great!"

Now that...That made me mad.

"Oh yeah!" I growled sarcastically, disentangling myself from his arms. He fell to his knees on the floor. He seemed surprised by my tone, and stared up at me with those big green eyes. "Just great! What the fuck are you doing? Do you _like _toying with me?"

"Stan...Stan, what-?"

I didn't let him finish. "Just leave me alone!" I yelled, and pushed past him and through the door.

He seemed frozen, because he didn't follow me.

Kenny was already in the kitchen. I restrained myself. Technically, Kenny had no fault in this, but it felt like he did. He couldn't really love Kyle. Kenny didn't love anyone. He was just using him for a fuck, and he'd discard him when he was bored.

My hands shook as I grabbed a cereal bar from the cupboard. I didn't look at him. I heard a chair scrape along the floor, someone stand up.

Then he spoke.

"Whoa, what's up, Stan?" Kenny asked. He sounded sympathetic, like he was actually concerned. Well, Kenny, I wasn't falling for that, you little fuck. I knew how he liked to mess people around, and I figured he was probably loving how angry and hurt I was in that moment. But the fact that he dared talk to me...

"You!" I burst out, whipping around to point in his face. I hoped that would give him the message. "You fuck off! Before I hurt you!"

Kenny held his hands up, palms out. He backed away from me, and pride flared in my stomach to see the fear in his eyes. "Woah..." He said again. "What did I do?"

Now that, for me, was a little dissapointing. Couldn't he at leased admit to it?

Giving up, I just growled at him and shook my head.

"I'm leaving." I told them, turning and pulling my jacket off the hook on the door.

"S-s-s-Stan?" Came Butters' small, timid voice. Kenny was back to sitting, his arms around the little boy. What, was he gona devirginise Butters next? Then who? Me? Eric? The whole fucking city?

Butters continued. "You want to talk?"

As much as I would have loved to vent to someone right about then, Butters would not have been able to take my violent rage. So I declined.

As I left the kitchen, Kyle entered the living room. He looked at me with tear-filled eyes. I shook my head at him, and walked out.

**KENNY'S P.O.V**

Kyle dragged Eric with inhuman strength out of the kitchen. Eric pulled the door shut afterward. Filling the silence they left behind was the trill of Butters' mobile. I grabbed it before he could, and flipped it open.

"Hello...?"

"Heyy Kenny, it's me, we've got to talk, you got time?" Kenni burbled at the other end.

"Course I can talk!" I replied pleasantly. Anything to distract me from Stan's threat. What had I even done? I got up to go sit on the counter. Butters got up too, but he just stood awkwardly by his chair, still shaking. Stan's anger had really had an effect on him.

"Okay, I'm gona ask you something, and it might seem out of the blue but it's really not, so just answer me..." Kenni took a deep breath. "Do you like Butters?"

My mouth fell open. I thought she was going to ask me something like was I up for a threesome? Was I doing okay? Had I died recently?

But no, this was entirely unexpected. All I could do was stutter: "Do I...Do I what?"

"He loves you, Kenny, the boy loves you. And if you feel the same way you sure as hell better tell him, and soon." Kenni ordered.

I nodded my head. After all, wasn't my new motto not to be like Kyle?

"I do." I told her simply. "I will."

"Killer." She answered. "Call me after."

She hung up.

I turned, taking deep breaths. There was no-one but us in the kitchen, and now could be my only chance to tell Butters how I really felt.

His facial expression stopped me in my tracks. Butters moved to stand straight, and I noticed he had had his ear pressed to the door, listening in an un-Butters-like manner to Eric and Kyle's conversation on the other side.

"Butters, what's wrong?" I asked, starting to reach out to him.

"Y-you're in love with Kyle?" Butters asked. Other than the tears now flowing freely down his cheeks, his face was strangely devoid of emotion.

"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.

Butters shook his head. From the living room came the sound of a door slamming.

"I thought you loved me, Kenny." Butters gasped, struggling to breath through the silent sobs that were crippling his body.

Before I could reply, Butters walked out of the door. He didn't have to stop for anything. He always dressed before breakfast. Eric, sitting on one of the sofas, watched him leave too.

And the sight of him walking through that door was enough to make me realize that Butters was right. I loved him. I didn't just like him.

This was love...

"You're screwed." Eric said simply, looking over the back of the couch and into my eyes.

And for once, I knew he was right.


	17. Chapter 17

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**ERIC'S P.O.V**

Kenny continued to stare at me for a minute, and I let him, even though I knew that the more he stared at me, the further away Butters got. Having a crying Butters alone in the middle of an unfamiliar city was a bad idea. At leased Stan and Kyle could take care of themselves.

"What...What did he mean?" Kenny choked out eventually. "What was that about Kyle?"

"For once, I actually don't know, dude." I replied, settling back on the couch. "From what I can discern, Stan thinks you fucked Kyle."

"Why?" Kenny butted in.

"Maybe it was your sweaty scene the other day outside your room?" I suggested, a little meanly, I'll admit. But at leased it made him get it, if the understanding dawning on his face was anything to go by.

"Did you fuck him?" I asked, intruiged.

"No..." Kenny answered distractedly. I nodded. I knew that already.

"And Stan's mad because he's in love with Kyle too?" Kenny asked. I was pleased that he thought I knew so much about the world around me.

"Yupp. Want the truth? I've been trying to get them together since we got here. As a favour to Sarah." I hastened to inform him. I didn't want him thinking I had feelings or anything.

"You have?" Kenny asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I've planted some diary entries. Unfortunately, both of them are too faggy to tell eachother." I rolled my eyes. Kenny was too upset to see the humour in the situation yet, so I let his lack of focus slide for now.

"You'd better go, dude." I advised him, jerking a thumb at the door to enhance my point. "It's one big city and one small Butters."

Kenny stared at me, blanching, before grabbing his parka, which had hung forgotten on the back of the kitchen door since we arrived. He zipped it all the way up, so only his eyes were visible, as he stormed towards the door.

"Thanks Eric." He said earnestly before leaving.

"Whatever." I replied, waving my hand. "Just don't expect me to come to your sorry-ass rescue all the time."

But I smiled at him before he closed the front door.

_My work here is done..._I thought, relaxing for a moment before heaving myself up and heading for Stan and Kyle's room.

Kyle's diary was where he had left it the night before. I read the last entry. Some drivel about how Stan had been acting weird. I flipped back and found my entries, ripping them out. When I was done, there was no evidence that they had ever existed within the book. I took the pages to the dumpster outside so no-one would find them in the trash later.

I called Sarah from Butters' cell phone when I got back, and explained the situation.

"You've done all you can now, babe. All we can do is hope Kyle finds him."

So I sat in the silent apartment. No one was around to see me pray.


	18. Chapter 18

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**KENNY'S P.O.V**

Finding Butters wasn't as hard as I expected it to be. He wasn't far from the apartment, crying on a street corner.

"Butters." I said, kneeling beside him. He looked up at me with large, tear-filled eyes.

"Oh, Butters." I took him in my arms. he didn't protest, he just sniffed pathetically and rested his head on my chest.

"I would never do that to you." I whispered into his hair.

"How do I know that, Kenny?" Butters asked firmly, pushing me away so he could look into my eyes. "How do I know that when we get home you're not going to leave me for Bebe...or...or Kyle?"

I could see where he was coming from. My name around South Park wasn't exactly clean, thanks to some jealous girl who I turned down in like...eighth grade. But, to be entirely honest...

I was a virgin.

"Well, Butters..." I sighed, trying to find the right words. "It's your decision. I'm not going to make you do anything." I cupped his face in my hands, forcing him to look me in the eyes, as his gaze had slipped to the floor. "But I'm a virgin. Yeah, that's right!" I laughed defiantly into his surprised gaze. "And I love you."

Then I stood.

"Don't go far. Be careful."

And I left him to think.

By the time I returned to the apartment, the tears had spilled over. Eric said nothing, but he took me in his arms and lay with me on the sofa whilst I cried into his chest. He patted my back and ruffled my hair.

I wailed to him about how Butters wouldn't even trust me again, how I had ruined our relationship before it even started, and it wasn't even my fault. I told him I was a virgin, but he didn't look surprised, as Butters had.

"It's been kind of obvious since you started crying, dude. If you were the slut they all say you are, you'd have gone out and got it out of your system by having meaningless sex with some chick."

Made sense. I sniffed. Having Eric not make fun of me made me feel a little better.

"Trust me, dude. Butters will get over it."

The cell phone, lying on the table, beeped. Eric leaned over me and flipped it open.

"Hello?"

Even though Eric was the one with the phone to his ear, I heard the buzzing voice through the phones earpiece.

"Eric!" Kyle's voice yelled frantically. "Quick! I don't know what to do!"

"Woah, dude, calm down." Eric laughed. "What's up, can't you find him?"

"Eric! It's Stan!"

"What about Stan?" Eric rolled his eyes at me.

"He got hit by a car."

For a moment, all Eric and I could do was stare at eachother.

"Where are you?" Eric asked, standing up.

"Hospital." Kyle managed.

"Hold up, we'll be right there."


	19. Chapter 19

**IS THIS REAL LIFE**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

I couldn't sit still. Doctors and nurses ignored me as they passed, rushing into Stan's room. I heard scary things in there, stuff like 'life-supposrt' and 'not breathing', but I refused to entertain the idea that Stan might not survive.

Because this was all my fault.

First off, if I had asked Stan why he was acting weird the night before, and defused the situation before he got really mad, Stan would never have stormed out this morning.

Secondly, Stan was in the middle of the street when I yelled after him.

He stopped and turned as if in slow motion.

Then a car came as if out of nowhere. Stan flew through the air and landed on the road again with a sickening crunch.

It was the driver of the car that called the ambulance. I was dead to the world, practically fainted, as lifeless as Stan was. They basically threw me into the back of the ambulance with him, where I sat and stared at his pale face. His nose was bleeding. I wiped the red liquid from his face with the cuff of my jacket, but I wasn't aware I was doing it.

I wasn't sure where the driver was, but he wasn't around. Stan was in the room, people surging around his seemingly-lifeless body. But his heart was beating. I held onto this fact desperately. It was the only thing keeping me relatively sane.

Squeaking shoes advanced hurriedly down the corridor. Looking up from my feet, tapping impatiently against the floor, I saw Eric striding down the corridor, Kenny hanging limply from his arm.

"Where is he?" Eric asked, and there was real worry in his eyes. I knew that a lot of the time he acted heartless and like he didn't care for any of us very much at all, but occasionally this mask would slip, and his sensitive side would be shown.

I glanced at the door to the right of my chair. Eric collapsed beside me, Kenny beside him. Kenny's eyelids were drooping, and he leaned heavily against Eric's shoulder.

I looked to Eric for explanation.

"He's just found out he's in love, give the guy a break."

I gave sleepy Kenny a questioning look, and he grinned. "Butters..." He giggled.

I frowned dissaprovingly at Eric and he shrugged.

"He wouldn't stop crying. I gave him some happy pills." He cast his eyes over Kenny. "Maybe too many. You and him were in the same boat. But I think Stan getting mashed by a car beats Kenny's _Butters-doesn't-trust-me-anymore _thing..."

My stomach flipped over, and I began to knaw my nails, looking for the millionth time at the clock over the door across from us.

"Are you here for Mr. Marsh?" A man in a white coat stepped out of Stan's room and addressed us.

"Yeah..." Eric said when both Kenny and I came up speechless.

The doctor's expression was terrifyingly solomn as he invited us into Stan's room.

**BUTTER'S P.O.V**

It was getting dark, the people around me were getting weirder looking, and I was terrified, but I had finally found my way to the shop where we bought our playset.

I opened the door. The girl behind the counter smiled at me.

"You're in luck." She said in her pretty accent. "We're just about to close up."

I smiled shyly, losing my voice.

"You know what you're looking for?" She asked kindly.

"Y-Y-Yes, ma'am." I nodded vigourously, and headed for the stacks of tiny boxes on the counter.

I knew what I had to do.

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

I couldn't stop the tears. I was in serious shock. I lay across Stan's body and sobbed hysterically. Even drugged-up Kenny had tears rolling down his cheeks. Fuck, even Eric was howling like a damn baby.

"We'll leave you all alone for a moment." The doctor said in hushed tones, ushering several nurses from the room.

"Oh, Stan." I whispered, running my hands through his exposed black hair. "Oh, Stan, oh, Stan, oh, Stan."

Kenny lurched foreward to join me, patting Stan's shoulder.

"You're gona be okay!" He stated in a stupidly serious way. I laughed, as did Eric.

Eric collapsed into a chair and pulled down his hood, running his hands through his hair. "Fuck...Okay." He murmured.

"They said it'd be a couple of hours. You guys want to wait it out?" He asked, glancing first at me, then Kenny, and finally letting his eyes rest on Stan's pale face.

Kenny and I both nodded vigourously.

"Okay, well, Butters can get in the apartment with the spare key." Eric assured Kenny, patting the seat beside him. Kenny sat, chewing his lip. It seemed the happy pills were wearing off a little.

"He's afraid of the dark." Kenny noted.

"He'll be fine. It's only a few hours." Eric tried to comfort him by wrapping an arm around his shoulders, and Kenny gave in, leaning into Eric's chest. I watched longingly, wishing more than anything that Stan and I could be in a similar embrace, rather than Stan be unconcious and sore, and me so guilty I could die.

But he was going to be okay. Stan was going to be okay.

**ERIC'S P.O.V**

When Stan woke up, he was so drug addled that he couldn't focus on any of us. We managed to get him discharged. He had a huge cast on his leg, and his arm in a sling. We lied and said we had a car. I was the one who carried him carefully home.

We reached the apartment. I laid Stan in his bed, and he groggily thanked me, writhing and flinching a little before dropping into an immediate deep sleep. Kyle crawled in beside him. He didn't touch him for fear of hurting him somehow, but he laid a single hand flat on Stan's stomach lovingly.

"Night, Kyle." I whispered before shutting the door.

I discovered Kenny, standing and staring at his bedroom door.

"He in there?" I asked.

"He's moving around. He's awake. He's heard us." Kenny breathed back.

"Go get 'em, Tiger." I patted his back, and he paled considerably.

There was nothing more I could do for either couple. I went to my single room feeling a little lonely, and fell into my bed. After my initial wriggling to get comfy, I lay as still and silent as possible, and waited, listening.

The voices in the next room started at 3:04.


	20. Chapter 20

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Twenty**

**STAN'S P.O.V**

When I woke up, I ached all over. I was freezing cold and shivering like hell. But there was one warm spot, dead in the centre of my stomach.

I tried to move my left arm, but a sickening pain shot through it and I got the picture that it wasn't a good idea. I tried my right and that seemed fine, so I reached down and touched the object on my stomach.

It was a hand.

I turned my head to see Kyle lying beside me, like always. At my movement, his eyes shot open, glowing in the dim light shining through our bedroom window.

"Stan...? Stan!" He grinned, looking happier than I'd ever seen him in my life.

"Kyle?" At the sight of his face, memories were flooding back to me. I ran away from him. He yelled for me to stop...

A car.

Suddenly my aching body made a lot more sense.

"What happened?" I asked groggily.

"You were hit by a car. Oh, Stan! It was all my fault! I shouldn't have yelled! It's just..." Kyle trailed off.

"What?" I asked, desperate. I remembered why I had run. The hurt in his voice when he screamed my name. He needed to tell me something, and I knew it was something I had to hear.

"I just needed you to know that it wasn't what you thought." He whispered, tears welling up in his eyes.

I nodded. "What was it then?"

"Honestly?" Kyle gave me a sarcastic smile. "I was in Kenny's room talking about how much I love you."

My next words stuck in my throat and I had to swallow a few times before I could form words.

"Y-You were?" I croaked.

Kyle just nodded. "When you told me you loved me I was...I was really, really happy. And then you were so mad and I didn't even know why."

"How did you find out?"

"Eric." We said together, and smiled. Eric knew everything.

"Kyle." I was choked up, trying to force the tears back behind my lids by blinking rapidly. It didn't work. They just fell faster.

"Yeah, Stan?"

"I love you." My voice shook with nerves.

"I...I love you too." Kyle smiled through his tears.

I sighed in relief, turning to look up at the ceiling.

"Kiss me." I told him.

"Huh?" Kyle grunted, shocked.

"Kiss me!" I ordered. "I need you to kiss me!"

Kyle's face appeared above me. His tears fell onto my face as he leaned down, and planted the gentlest of kisses on my lips.

**KENNY'S P.O.V-AROUND THE SAME TIME**

It was like I'd passed out on my feet. I had no idea how long I'd been stood out there, staring at our bedroom door, but it was a hell of a long time. And still Butters was pacing around, muttering to himself.

I guess I just had to go in there and face him.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

The room was dark, Butters standing at the window. When I entered, he turned.

"Kenny." He said.

"Butters." I couldn't stop love coating my voice like honey.

"I went to the store. To help me."

I nodded. I'd let him babble now, and ask questions later.

"I got this." He held up a tiny box. In the light from the window, I saw a tiny picture of Eric on the front.

"It's one on those lucky dip things." Butters explained. I nodded some more. Then I realized what he was saying. I felt sick. Really sick. What were the odds...?

"And?" I asked, my voice cracking.

Butters reached his forefinger and thumb into the box and pulled out a keychain. Slowly, he withdrew it's attachment.

Holding up the tiny figure in the light, Butters' face paled as he watched my face.

It was small, round-headed figure wearing a bright orange parka.

I walked towards him. Butters dropped the tiny figure onto the carpet and hopped up into my waiting arms.

I looked into his eyes for just one second before lowering him onto our bed and ravishing him with kisses all over his sweet little face.

"I love you Kenny. I'm sorry."

"Shhh..." I told him lovingly, stroking his cheek. "I love you too Butters."

He looked overjoyed, to say the leased. And I'm glad to say that I finally kissed his sweet little mouth that night.

The odds of him getting me in his box?

One out of one hundred.


	21. Chapter 21

**IS THIS REAL LIFE?**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

The reformation of Fingerbang was a big thing in South Park. The crowds were huge, at the front the boys' parents (Wendy had refused to rejoin, due to her embarrassment over the whole 'Fight' thing).

Kenny was first onstage, pointing and winking at Craig and Tweek, who grinned wickedly. He was followed by Kyle, strutting his stuff and busting some moves, also holding Stan's hand. Stan grinned at the crowd and held up their laced fingers proudly. Eric entered, clearly thinking he was the most important member, as always. In his shadow followed a confident looking Butters (Because Kyle refused to be in a boyband with just four members...That's gay!).

The five boys stood centre stage, holding up their arms. The huge audience applauded, girls screamed.

"Before we begin..." Stan cried, loving the way his voice sounded booming around the park. "We have an announcement to make."

"For a while now, five imposters have been living among you." Kenny grinned. The audience began to look around nervously, murmuring to eachother. No-one made the connection that there were five 'boys' onstage. Those 'boys' all began to giggle a little too girlishly.

"These imposters have wreaked havoc in the school, and in the town." Kyle called out, getting the audiences attention. Kenny sniggered, remembering the look on Mr. Stotch's face when he woke up to find the word 'homo' sprayed on his door.

"Their names..." Butters laughed openly into his headpiece. "Are Kenny, Kyle, Stan, Eric and Butters."

The crowd gasped collectively.

"That's right, bitches!" Sarah cried, dropping her accent and pulling off Eric's hat to reveal her long hair. "We're the girls you're looking for!"

Kenni pulled off her parka hood, Nadine and Lizzie their hats. Even Mary pulled off Butters' fleece and stuck out her chest proudly.

"Here's your boys!" Kenni yelled.

And into the spotlight emerged five boys. Kenny was carrying Butters on his back, Butters waving and giggling like a child. Kyle had his arm around Stan, supporting him and his leg, which was still in it's cast. They walked as one to stand beside the girls. Sarah twirled around to watch Eric run out onstage. They ran into eachother's arms and kissed passionately. Grinning, Kenny swung Butters to his front and kissed him, too. Stan and Kyle shrugged and followed suit. The remaining girls stood together and took a bow.

"This has been a protest! Let the boys live alone like they have for the past weeks!" Nadine yelled.

"Yeah!" Kenni laughed. "And let them have their money!"

The crowd cheered, parents ran up onstage to say hello to the boys they didn't even realize they were missing, and the boys and their imposters broke into the first verse of _Fingerbang_...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So there you have it! Done! I thought that was a nice way to end it, didn't you? Love you! Review please! I don't care how far into the future you're reading, I'll be waiting around! :D


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